bdsm Documentary

Hello Everyone,

I just registered to bdsmlibrary.com and have been following a few of the forums. First, let me introduce myself, I’m a working documentary artist interested in SM and DS. Not only as a lifestyle but also as an art form. To be perfectly honest I am beginning to come to terms with my own sexual identity and being able to express it.

Luckily enough the BDSM community is immensely helpful and supportive. Ok, second, as I already mentioned I am a documentary artist. As an artist I need to be able to understand my enviroment and surroundings through my craft. I’ve been doing some research (not enough) on the lifestyle in general and have been craving to make a documentary about the BDSM lifestyle. Especially now a days where sexuality, and anything attached to it, is seen through a puritan point of view (specifically America).

I guess my question to everyone is: what do you not see or would like to see be discussed in a documentary about BDSM? I would really love to hear people’s opinion. Thank You !

Let's start with a welcome to the forums. Enjoy and I hope you get the help here you are seeking.

I would like to see at least a small portion of it discussing how young people (18 to 25 or so) develop such an interest in this life style at that early age. I look at it that they have hardly had any time to explore their wants and needs yet there are some many of them who are well versed in this life it truly amazes me. Are they teaching this in school these days?

WB: sho needs lessons at school when popular culture is strewn with bdsm cues and references? Or when movies and tv have been exploring themes of torture, DiD and imaginative sadism for decades? Just look at the 007 series, the Die Hard movies or CSI - there's a string of textbook bdsm scenes.

Frankly, WB, coming to college did me in - of my five closest friends here at school, three are kinky. And one of the other two talks about it all the time, but just can't admit he's into it. This is completely by accident, too - I didn't go seek out the student bondage club member list to pick friends from. And if you're exposed enough, then sooner or later you're going to want to start to experiment ...

Overall, I'd say 75% of the sexual student body here (we have a fairly high percentage of students who are still ewww, sex) is into some sort of kink.

I read Rice's Beauty books when I was 15, passed them on to my girlfriend when I was 16, and we both jumped on the wagon like farmers on the way to market

I'd like to see a documentary that isn't all, "ooo look at them, freaky and strange". I'd like a documentary focused on mild expressions of it. I want the viewer to think, "but hey, that's me".

I'd imagine that all freak show documentaries on this have all been done.

and I would like to see a more rounded picture presented, that living a BDSM lifestyle is not just about Doms in black leather and subs being beaten until they gasp out their safe word.

A documentary on vanilla relationships would not just focus on the bedroom, so why should one on BDSM just focus on the dungeon?

Oh - and Discreet Charm, welcome to our online community. I can't help but think that you will find some interesting facets here, but do ask you to respect members' confidentiality and sensitivities. From time to time people open themselves to the point of vulnerability. Given your question, I am sure I do not need to ask this of you, but there will be a lot of sad people if you should use what you read here as material for easy entertainment.

cariad

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Originally Posted by cariad

and I would like to see a more rounded picture presented, that living a BDSM lifestyle is not just about Doms in black leather and subs being beaten until they gasp out their safe word.

A documentary on vanilla relationships would not just focus on the bedroom, so why should one on BDSM just focus on the dungeon?

Oh - and Discreet Charm, welcome to our online community. I can't help but think that you will find some interesting facets here, but do ask you to respect members' confidentiality and sensitivities. From time to time people open themselves to the point of vulnerability. Given your question, I am sure I do not need to ask this of you, but there will be a lot of sad people if you should use what you read here as material for easy entertainment.

cariad

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That's a good point. In a 24/7 DS relationship I'm sure the obedience thing would be interesting. When my slave is happy to see me after I've been away she usually kisses my feet. Things like that. Not necessarily sex, but still part of the D/s world. Good call Cariad.

I know for me one of the big things I have learnt is how empowering being a submissive can be. I would love a documentry to show how strong submissives are, that they are clever and often independent people who happen to make the choice to submit to someone!

Also that like any good relationship, it takes time, trust and lots of communication to make it work. It is not all just whips and chains, as has already been said.

I absolutly agree with cariad and aussiegirl. I've seen a few "doc's" on telly (and mostly they are called "shockdoc" or "extreme lives") and it's all about the commercial aspect of the BDSM lifestyle or, if not, the most extreme couples that you can encounter. Now I don't deny that there are very extreme people out there, and I don't mind (who am I to judge anyway), but it gives a very weird perspective and it doesn't give the people watching these docs a chance to really understand what the lifestyle is about. And secondly it only strengthens the predjudice that is already there in the first place, that BDSM'ers are only a bunch of crazy attention seeking people that either make/pay alot of money to get humilated/whipped/bound/etc or are in leather bound and gagged for days.

I am missing the love and trust aspect, the normal day things (how does that differ from vanilla couples if it even does), the psychological aspect of the lifestyle.
And maybe even the steps before we even reach the "extreme" state (as you can see on this forum we all give advice that if you are new to this to start out with babysteps and not just go off the deep end).

Good luck with your documentary!!

Welcome Discreet Charm!

I will not echo what has already beens said here, but I do agree with all of it.

For me, I would love to see the "normal" side of BDSM. Yes my pet likes to submit, wear leather and heels for me... But what about that she is also a caring mother? That she walks the kids to school everyday, or that she likes to catch the occasional football game, or cooks a great dinner. Or on the Dom side, that I am just a IT guy (ok maybe a bit more geeky then your average Joe), that I like to play paint-ball and rock clime...

Basically that just because we like the fetishes that we or live the lifestyle that we do that it doesn't mean we don't live like everyone else.

Just my two cents.

Welcome to the Forums, DiscreetCharm. We welcome you here to our community. What a task you've taken on. I respect the open, honest way you seem to be going about it. We trust that you have nothing but the utmost respect for all we are. :)

I was all set to have my say, but Tom, cariad and Aussiegirl have already said it all. :32:

No, I am quite happy that they did. They said it far better than I could have. We are just moms, dads, married couples, single people, college students, wanderers, older and younger...just normal people with normal lives who happen to have certain preferences in certain areas. The extreme, the freak, well yes, that garners attention. But the sincerity in the everyday, well that's very much a real part of it as well. And that deserves some attention of its own.

Best of all to you as you work on your documentary.

tessa :wave:

I agree with all the points said here.
I want a focus on that we are normal just like every other person on this planet with normal wants and needs and friends. We are ordinary people but yes we do indulge ourselves in bdsm and other "kinky" stuff.
We are more than just leather and chains and whips. We are not the "freaks" that the "normal" documentaries show us to be.
I guess that would be my point.
Mysc said it really well.

I'd agree it would be great to see a documentary mirroring the empowerment, love and coming into your own that many people in this lifestyle experience. I've heard that perspective coming in view in radio documentaries and interviews with Doms and sub women, but never on tv really. Radio, in some ways is a more focused medium than television.

I would def like to see the whole aspect of the BDSM world described.
BDSM isnt just about whips and chains, it is about commitment...trust...respect....and little things that go far deeper than any vanilla relationship.
The whips and chains etc are only about 20% of what this lifestyle is. and lets face it...anyone can chain or blindfold someone to add spice to their sex lives

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Originally Posted by TomOfSweden

I'd like to see a documentary that isn't all, "ooo look at them, freaky and strange". I'd like a documentary focused on mild expressions of it. I want the viewer to think, "but hey, that's me".

I'd imagine that all freak show documentaries on this have all been done.

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HELL yes! We don't all wear leather chaps and lead subs around on leashes at the mall.

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Originally Posted by Austerus

HELL yes! We don't all wear leather chaps and lead subs around on leashes at the mall.

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we dont? :p
the "lead subs around on leaches" I have done but well I dont have a pair of leather chaps.

I'm with everyone else here - a focus on the psychological, mental and emotional "why" for submissives and dominants, not just the "here's how it gets me off" part of the lifestyle. (Although that's pretty great too! :) )

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Originally Posted by Logic1

we dont? :p
the "lead subs around on leaches" I have done but well I dont have a pair of leather chaps.

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heh, nope...we don't. Mostly though I meant that almost all the time when you see anything BDSM related in media, it is something sensationalized. Those regular looking people down the street in their regular looking house with their regular seeming lives? They're just as real as the 'X-Treme' kind of stuff that generally gets shown.

Of course, the trick may be that people who are quieter/more 'normal' looking may not -want- to have their lifestyle publicized in a movie. So maybe that's part of why

Hello DiscreetCharm and welcome to the forums.

You know what? Just as there is no black and white out there, merely millions of shades of grey, theres something i've begun to realise since i've started accepting that having a dominating partner in the bedroom turns me on. the lines between vanilla and bdsm are a little blurred. suddenly i can recall conversations with friends that make sense now... "vanilla" people supposedly living "normal, vanilla" lives who say they occasionaly like to spice up their lives a little with some play in the bedroom that includes tying one or the other up with scarves, tickling, using chocolate, teasing, rough talk, etc. i think the words bdsm would seem to some of them to be "extreme" as it would have to me a while ago.

i suppose there's many shades of grey in how people are in their relationships. theres supposedly vanilla relationships where theres abuse and things go really bad, i'm sure that exists in bdsm relationships as well. theres "vanilla" relationships where 2 people happily co-exist in roles they take on subtly without using termilnology to define them.

i think for me i realise that being a part of this forum and accepting my need for domination in some parts of my life is a part of saying that commonly accepted social norms merely suppress and limit peoples natural expression for some aspects of domination/submission to different degrees in their lives and relationships.

being here and accepting my needs is a step towards realising everyone has them, in different forms, different ways and i'm just lucky enough to realise i'm ok and normal, i'm just fine and everyone in some form or another, is like me!!!

does that make sense?

I have hesitated to chime in with my opinion because I know the limits of film. I have seen even the best documentaries end up leaving pertinent information on the cutting room floor simply because there was not enough time to cover it.

there are a few scholarly articles about BDSM and the dynamics involved, but as these usually approach from the standpoint of studying "Abnormal Psychology" the bias is toward us being abnormal. I am not sure what normal actually is, but I do know that on all standard tests I actually come up as a text book case of sanity. I am apparently so well adjusted that I have no geder or racial bias in my subconscious.

This would be seriously disturbing to me if I did not know myself well enough to ignore these findings. The one thing I do know is that sanity and normality is overrated. Are we, who admit for predilections for kinky sex, less well adjusted than those who deny them? Somehow I think not.

As you research this film you will find that we are seen as numerous things, but that one thing that should never be questioned is the fact that we embrace who we are. This makes us better adjusted in the long run because we can look into ourselves and accept the things that others run from. More than anything else, this is what needs to be told about us.

We, as a group, and as individuals, are generally better adjusted and more stable than those who reject us because of our choices.

Though they're not documentaries I think both Secretary and Romance (with Caroline Ducey and Rocco Siffredi) succeed in bringing out the feeling of personal growth and commitment that many subs and Dom/mes come to feel. They resolutely say no to any grid of "normality" and accept their heroines for what they are, and what they grow to be.

Ahhh Secretary. So good.

I was going to ask what type of BDSM Documentary you were going for.
I read in the Introduction thread that you are looking to view it through the eyes of a Vanilla transitioning into this lifestyle.
I have seen many documentaries on the lifestyle pertaining to the hows and whys of what people do and why they do it.

It would be an interesting perspective on understanding the mindset of someone who has discovered and wants to embrace that part of themselves.
And of course there are many different types and experiences you can touch upon.

Covering a person's journey would give others a better understanding of what goes on. Just my opinion though.

I for one know that since I have discovered this part of myself, (and while I embrace it and continue to learn about it), I find that is has been one of the most loneliest, tumultuous, and confusing times in my life. Just trying to work through issues as to the hows and whys are complicated at times.

What would I want to see? Let me start out by what I WOULDN'T want to HEAR first: The word lifestyle. I am SO sick of this word. Mattresses, headphones, coffee makers, BDSM, furries- the list goes on and on of products that have named their product the LIFESTYLE (something) and sexual interests that have branded themselves a lifestyle. I go to school with normal people, I'm gonna work with normal people and my significant other will (hopefully) be a normal person with like-minded femdom interests. What kind of different life do I live having my own way of getting off sexually and doing what a woman tells me to do? I don't sleep in a coffin and come out at night. Even if the word lifestyle DID have a meaning in this day and age despite the innumerable pointless rapes it has suffered, I would not like to think that I live a different "lifestyle" from a normal person at all. I would not like to be alienated from society for what amounts to no reason.

What else wouldn't I want to see? Well, it is unavoidable after all, but I would prefer if specific BDSM scene memes and terminology were not used at every opportunity. The words slave, master, mistress/madam/ma'am/domme/domina should not appear more than ten times. BDSM Shouldn't be presented as a way of dressing and talking, but should instead be presented as animal desire.

Some important things to discuss (comign from the femdom side of things) are the lack of dominant females, the outright bizzare practice of cuckoldry, the classic issue of "Does liking a strap on make me gay?", etc.

I'm pissed, cold and out of ideas. Good Luck.

dynamicbuttler, I take your point about the use of the word lifestyle being over used. Unfortunately I am get to come across a better.

Quite simply, to me, BDSM is not primarily about sexual interests, it is a lifestyle. This also applies to a significant number of other people here. To use your wording; I do live an different 'lifestyle' from a normal person (disregarding arguments about what is the norm). My life most certainly has a style which the average man on the street would regard as being different.

I do not feel alienated from society, because to most people I do not reveal any of the differences. Those whom do know some of those differences are people who friends because of who I am ,not because of what I do. Therefore it makes no difference to them. An observant person might notice something about the way I choose to dress or my body language, but nothing is obvious to the casual observer.

If you had not signed off that post by saying that you were pissed I would struggle not to take offense at your suggestion that something which is fundemental to the way I lead my life is based on animal desire. Yes there is that element, but that also applies within some vanilla relationships. Submission to me, is at the very least an encompassing and guiding philosophy.

Now, I do accept that obviously for you, and for a number of other people, bdsm has primarily an intense sexual focus, and I fully respect that, seeing it as different; neither better nor worse, from the focus I have. I ask that you try to extend that same respect to members of this community who are different from yourself.

cariad

You don't seem to get it... submission is something I enjoy fully in a relationship. It's not like I want to have kinky sex within a "vanilla" relationship, I want the whole nine yards- But it IS animal urges and instincts that guides all this- animal urges guide emotions in the same wau they guide sex. Why philosophize something that needs no philosophizing? You submit, and you either get off sexually or just feel very content, or hopefully both, just like the rest of us.

Aren't you two just having a discussion about the scope of "normal"?