A switch, sub, or a dom? or something else all together?

What am i? i've been aware of the online scene for a while now, though i've never been in a d/s relationship. And im still not sure where i fit in, if at all.

Heres the problem. When i first started out, i thought i was a dom. I loved the idea of having a sub kneel in front of me and completely submit to my will (and i still love it). However, as much as i enjoy that thought i can't really come up with activities or scenarios that i mite do with a sub.

I just figured it was because i was/am new to it all and becuase im very (VERY) uncreative......creativity just doesn't come naturally to me. In light of that, i decided that being a sub mite be a better start as it would allow me to learn and understand the lifestyle, before i tried to guide someone else through it.

Now, i've thought about it and even talked/flirted with a female friend of mine about the prospect of subbing. And i really do get turned on by the thought of being tied up, whipped, gaged etc. I think i'd even enjoy taking a strapon (im a straight male btw). And the thought of serving a mistress with my mouth, hands or any other part of my body drives me wild. BUT, there are other things that i dont find too appealing. For example, i'll be reading the forums and see someone suggesting possible tasks for a sub, like cum restrictions, or public humiliations or tasting your own cum...and i can't really see myself doing that (on the other hand, i think its a wonderful idea, and would definately make my sub do it all).

So all this has left me rather confused....which category do i belong in? do i belong at all? I love BDSM, and the idea that i mite just be interested in the sexual aspects of it kind scares me. Is that even a bad thing though?

Sometimes, i can't get bdsm out of my head at all....all i think about is being tied up, or tying someone up. But other times i'll go weeks without even caring about it all. It makes me question whether this lifestyle is really what i want, or am i just vanilla with a slightly kinky adventerous side.

So there you have it, my dilemma. Sorry if it sounds like a rant...thats probably cuz it kinda is :p. This has been bothering me for so long, im glad i could get it off my chest. Any thoughts/ideas/epiphanies would be great.

Ps: sorry if i dont reply to this right away. as i said, sometimes i just totally forget about bdsm for weeks.

Its not really a problem. Your problem is that you're trying to pigeon hole yourself. I've done the same journey and ended up back as dominant. But I've done it all. When I had my first subby thoughts I just went for it. If I hadn't I'd probably still be thinking about it. Just go for it. Be glad you have these feelings. I'm sure it's a lot better than being frigid and boring. Or as I heard someone say a long time ago. "If it makes your dick hard, fuck it". ...now when I come to think of it... it may actually be my own quote.

Go and explore. But stay away from the AIDS...

I'll echo Tom here: go ahead and scratch the itch. Like much of life, exploring our sexuality is how we can learn more about ourselves. Trying to force yourself to being one thing or the other might just be against your grain. Or you can find out that you get the most out of holding the whip. You'll never know until you try it.

That being said, I also think it is important for Dominants to experience some, if not all, of the things that they ask their subs to do. Kneeling, for instance. If you haven't tried it, you have no idea just how hard it can be to kneel for long periods on hard surfaces. The same for being tied into different positions--if you do it, you know the limitations of the human body and can take better care of your partner. And, if nothing else, you can use the time you are restrained to come up with some fun activities and/or scenarios for when you get loose.

Have fun. Be safe.

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Originally Posted by browny

What am i? i've been aware of the online scene for a while now, though i've never been in a d/s relationship. And im still not sure where i fit in, if at all.

Heres the problem. When i first started out, i thought i was a dom. I loved the idea of having a sub kneel in front of me and completely submit to my will (and i still love it). However, as much as i enjoy that thought i can't really come up with activities or scenarios that i mite do with a sub.

I just figured it was because i was/am new to it all and becuase im very (VERY) uncreative......creativity just doesn't come naturally to me. In light of that, i decided that being a sub mite be a better start as it would allow me to learn and understand the lifestyle, before i tried to guide someone else through it.

Now, i've thought about it and even talked/flirted with a female friend of mine about the prospect of subbing. And i really do get turned on by the thought of being tied up, whipped, gaged etc. I think i'd even enjoy taking a strapon (im a straight male btw). And the thought of serving a mistress with my mouth, hands or any other part of my body drives me wild. BUT, there are other things that i dont find too appealing. For example, i'll be reading the forums and see someone suggesting possible tasks for a sub, like cum restrictions, or public humiliations or tasting your own cum...and i can't really see myself doing that (on the other hand, i think its a wonderful idea, and would definately make my sub do it all).

So all this has left me rather confused....which category do i belong in? do i belong at all? I love BDSM, and the idea that i mite just be interested in the sexual aspects of it kind scares me. Is that even a bad thing though?

Sometimes, i can't get bdsm out of my head at all....all i think about is being tied up, or tying someone up. But other times i'll go weeks without even caring about it all. It makes me question whether this lifestyle is really what i want, or am i just vanilla with a slightly kinky adventerous side.

So there you have it, my dilemma. Sorry if it sounds like a rant...thats probably cuz it kinda is :p. This has been bothering me for so long, im glad i could get it off my chest. Any thoughts/ideas/epiphanies would be great.

Ps: sorry if i dont reply to this right away. as i said, sometimes i just totally forget about bdsm for weeks.

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Hello Browny~

Like Others here have already said, but in my own words> Maybe just take Your Time relax and enjoy and explore? You don't *have to* define or label YourSelf, nor allow Anyone else to. It's Your Journey! You Belong where You want to be and where You are accepted and feel comfortable. Even if that is only every few weeks or so <G>.

Respectfully~SidheWolf

We're sort of in similar places (i'm still figuring out where i want to wind up, too!) I actually didn't worry too much about it until recently with people asking me where i am and how i see myself. it first i was really concerned and then i realized ultimately it wasn't going to change anything about me, and i frankly haven't been active enough to describe any strong trends in one direction or the other. it should be a comment on what you are or typically like, not what you expect you'll be, right? so right now, i'm just going to go where the 'feels-good' takes me.

One thing i did was print out one of the BDSM checklists that usually serve as communication tools between two people; i crossed off all the things i did not ever want to try (my divination tool for this was whether or not, if they 'forced' me to do it, i would be making them pancakes the next morning, or i would have them arrested). my next step is to try everything else at least once (i had a food list once like this...) good times!

I had the same problem. Tried to be a Dom but failed at it (I had the opposite to you - I was really good at thinking up ideas but no good at having the personality to carry them out), thought I may have been a switch and then finally decided that being a sub was what I really wanted to be. However, I still have ideas about what I would like to do to women I had under my control, the image of bound and gagged women turns me on as much as being bound and gagged myself. just never found anyone I could really practise with.

Pigeonholing is sometimes not easy to do and as stated is not always the best way to do things. Sometimes it is best just to be 'you', a pigeonhole of one. I don't think many here really take the labels seriously or insist that you are one or the other. Most accept that if you say 'I am X' they won't say 'You can't be X you don't...' But then this is a very relaxed and relatively liberal BDSM site. There are some sites (or maybe some individuals on some sites) out there where you would get flamed for allegedly claiming to be something they thought you were not.

In your present state, I would say experiment and play around - see what you enjoy the most and do it. Try new things you like the sound of. Ask if someone would Dominate you, ask if someone wouldn't mind being dominated by you. Maybe get someone who is an experienced Dom to give you some ideas or guidance. Your lack of ideas is fixable with experience and there is a lot of experience crammed into the heads of the members here. Use it. Just don't get distressed because you haven't found a niche yet. You will soon enough. Took me 8 years at least and I am still not sure.

Hi Browny nothing wrong with being a switch and enjoying both

That's exactly what I've been thinking for long long time Browny. Well written mate.