Not Really A "Lifestyle" Post But...

...but I feel a need to post this, so please bear that in mind. I don't think I'd make a good sub. I'm often sarcastic...sardonic...ironic...whatever (not rude though, I hate rudeness). And yet...when I've been in a deep relationship, I find certain "sub" qualities to be there. Like being with my BF watching TV, and he's on the couch and I'm at his feet, arms resting around his calves. Things like that. It didn't even occur to me what I was doing until I started exploring the internet. And again: one time, in summer, it was very hot so I just had this sundress on and nothing else and...my BF just took me. I started to say something and he just kissed my mouth shut. It was so unexpected, but so total. I've never been "taken" like that, and i guess that's where my interest in this started for me. We had played things before, but he was not a Dom, I know. But after...him asleep and the fan overhead...I wanted so badly to touch myself because a few strokes would have put me THERE but the thing is...i didn't...i couln't. It was torture, but I just laid there and forced myself to be in the moment. And yet that was in itself even more satisfying. So, well, thanks for listening. :=)

You sound like a SAM (Smart-Assed Masochist) to me. Although some use the term to mean a sub you can't work with, others (like me) consider some SAMs to be fun - as long as the SAM tendencies don't go too far. ;)

That is where the Discipline of BDSM comes in. A good Dom(me) or Master/Mistress will bring that part out in you. As long as you have a submissive nature (and it seems you do) THAT is what counts the most.

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Originally Posted by pagan switch

You sound like a SAM (Smart-Assed Masochist) to me. Although some use the term to mean a sub you can't work with, others (like me) consider some SAMs to be fun - as long as the SAM tendencies don't go too far. ;)

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SAM...hmmm. I kinda like that, thanks! I agree though about going too far. I may be mocking if someone is acting like a real jerk, but I generally try to be polite and considerate. Does being restrained fall under "masochism"? I like that but am a big baby when it comes to real pain (fantasy is different). Ah well, that's the fun of exploration! :=)

How you are in your intimate life may have nothing to do with the "you" that is present in many of your other dealings.

Many of the most incredible and interesting subs I know are very outgoing, sarcastic (translate to quick witted) and assertive in other aspects of their life.

In fact, my sub is all of these things and has many other "un sublike characteristics." However, he is MY sub, not the world's sub and that I can taper his wit and energy, can control his mind and words as well as him physically is part of the turn on for me. And he is a control person in his occupation of many years. As such, he welcomes being able to give over the control and feels liberated by having the structure and limitations I place on him.

So, go with what feels good and just be you. It will all come together in the end.

:)

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Originally Posted by CCBlonde

I don't think I'd make a good sub. I'm often sarcastic...sardonic...ironic...whatever (not rude though, I hate rudeness).

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Every sub/slave I've valued has been like this. My late wife defined herself as a "submissive bossy bitch". My ex-slave used to argue with me constantly - up to the point when I would say "Who's Dom?" and she'd bite her lip and say sulkily "You are, Master." My SO still isn't absolutely sure that she wouldn't rather be topping me, and some of our scenes start with a stand-up fight... which she wants me to win, but not too easily.

I like tough-minded, stroppy subs. It makes me feel I own something worth having. It's a matter of taste, of course, but in my opinion, you're just fine.

..of having a sub that doesn't have a little rebellious streak in them that you can 'tame' every once in a while? If your sub never does anything naughty, would spanking them/disciplining them be as much fun?

I wouldn't stress over it Blonde

I've been following these threads and contributing for a year and a half now. The people here are great, but I do see many get caught up in definitions of words like SUB, DOM, BDSM lifestyle, SLAVE etc...

I've never been able to take it that seriously. I see myself as sexually Dominant and lucky for me, my partner is sexually submissive. We like to play, on occassion, with ropes, chains, cuffs, whips and such. Its fun and a big turn on for both of us. I say...go with whatever works for you. Life is too short to repress your desires...you should have fun while you can. At the same time there isn't any written rule I'm aware of that says you have to do something you don't want to do because you percieve yourself as a "submissive". Just throw away the bdsm dictionary and have fun.