Change of mind, heart and body...

I find myself in a new light over the past three months. Its questionable and conflicting to what my established state of mind has been simply because I have let a man take on such a substantial role in my life. Though my Captain and I have known each other for going on four years, it is not until recently that this transformation has taken place in me. As friends with slight benefits, he would make comments to me about me being his "submissive." I would laugh, roll my eyes, and respond with, "yeah, right...ok...whatever...." and change the subject. :rolleyes: But when it came down to it, whenever we had the rare and wonderful opportunities to be together...I would do just about anything he asked.
I have loved him for several years, but this new role he has taken on has brought me to my knees, and I'm not even sure why. He has instructed me to do things that I would have never thought about doing, and I've completed my tasks with open eyes and an open mind. I never thought I had it in me to do things like get a full playboy wax or do research on BDSM. Even he was surprised when I sent him the picture! :) With his love and dominance over me, a part of myself has been revealed that I have been repressing for so many years. The difference is that people around me have noticed a difference in me. Apperantly I smile more, and I look pretty when I wear a dress and I'm a "sweetheart." Lol! I can't help but wonder if I would only do this for him...and I can't help but wonder if what I have done "qualifies" me as submissive and wonder what I can do to show him how thankful I am...

Sounds like you have something really wonderful going for you there, something that has enriched your life, made everything better, all out of the desire to please this person. It sounds to me like you are pretty submissive, just think about how it makes you feel when you are this submissive to this person. If it enriches your life, and this person supports you, builds you up, and makes you better, and you do the same for them, I would say dont fight it, embrace it if it feels right. You seem to have a good pace going, just go with it, and see where it leads you, whether that be subtle submissiveness, or completely submitting to this person openly, just do whatever feels right for you.