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My question is, is there anyone who prefers to play the role of an unwilling victim? Is it a common practice to "fight back" during BDSM activities, only to be ultimately beaten into submission?
I think that might make it more exciting. It might even bring in the possibility of the sub overcoming the dom and reversing the roles.
Hmm, I'm in a similar place that you are, arwcuw, since I never had a r/l D/s relationship. But from my online experiences and things that get me hot...yeah, I love fighting back at least sometimes. It hypes up the intensity, makes the domly one more aggressive or assertive...and I like that. I feel all the more submissive when I finally have to give in.
That said...I'd never want it to go to a point where I 'win' the fight and would have to take over the top role. It's just not my kink.
I've made some similar experiences in my more vanilla r/l sexual encounters. Memories of playing hard to get while still flirting and making the guy hot, getting 'angry' at approaches from my partner, wrestling in bed and trying to shake him off...come to mind. And it was always a huge disappointment when the guy really let me off and I won. This was all before I knew what I was doing there...it was just a game for me. *sighs* unfortunately most of my ex's were not really the domly types and I won a lot...;)
God that sounds so familiar. you know what is more of a turn on that anything else? The simple gesture of him grabbing my wrist and holding it down, it is a universal symbol of someone desperatly wanting to do "something" to you and nothing will stop him...
Yes my wife & I used to do that a lot, & she's not really into D/s as such. We just saw it as 'rough sex'
Sure seems common from what I've seen.
I personally found it a bit frightening, how turned on she'd get- it's kind of weird because she's been a rape victim, & was abused as a child.
Tojo
Another good thread!
I had played with this submissive one time, and she very much wanted me to force her into submission. Wanted me to wrestle her to the ground and tie her up. It wasn't really my thing, but it was kind of fun.
If you think you would want this, then ask for it. Tell the Dom this is what you want them to do. Let them know you want to be forced into submitting. Ultimately its not being forced cause you wanted it, but its HOW you wanted the submission thats important here.
V/R
ID
That is one of my favorite roles! It usually starts out like this....please don't, i have a headache(smile)....are you telling me no?(angry eyes)...yes, I'm really not in the mood(pouts+smile)...i don't think thats up to you(evil little grin)you don't have a choice(evil big grin).. let the wrestling commence....
I don't know if it is a "common practice" but I enjoy it immensely. I think I just tell him no because I know what will come.
tazkill...your so right.Quote:
you know what is more of a turn on that anything else? The simple gesture of him grabbing my wrist and holding it down
We haven't done any scening where I fight back, but it's definitely something I like the thought of. We have talked about abduction scenes where I think fighting back and interrogating would be lots of fun to explore. I really like the idea of turning the tables on him. :whip2:
Now that's something I don't understand too well. I also know someone who was a victim of abuse and incest at a young age, and now as an adult they like to reverse the roles and enjoy "raping" their partner and incest/age play scenes where their partner is their young child. To me I guess it makes sense that the abuse as a child "messed them up" to put it lightly, but to enjoy something so close to what happened to them?Quote:
Originally Posted by Tojo
Yes I also agree with that.... so hot.Quote:
Originally Posted by tazkill
Definitely. I don't know if I prefer it all the time though, but when we do it's always fun.Quote:
Originally Posted by arwcuw
That actually makes sense to me; as part of my journey of self-acceptance I've been doing a lot of research on the psychology of fetishes, and quite often masochism and sadism seem to result from abuse. The child learns to deal with the abuse by turning it into a turn-on. Obviously this isn't always the case, just a possible outcome.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tojo
(That didn't help me with the search for my own "root" so to speak, since there's no sign of abuse in my past.)
Fighting back is great fun. And since the guy I play with has about 10 inches and many pounds of advantage over me I know that I'll never win! I'm even the more ticklish one. :D
Certainly not something I do always, or even often - I usually cave pretty quickly with this guy. Generally I fight back when I need it rough, and he's learned that when I argue and fight it's because I do want to lose and those are the days that I really need to get the shit kicked out of me. And he's generally happy to oblige. The days I fight generally turn into the days I end up in a sobbing heap. :)
...does picking a fight to provoke him count as topping from the bottom?
The only problem with actually fighting back in an otherwise consensual scene is determining how to draw the line at what is too much force.Quote:
Originally Posted by arwcuw
If you actually fought back to the point of possibly overcoming the dom... you would literally be pushing the edge of being beaten into submission...
Exciting? Yep, I'll go along with that... Dangerous, probably, possibly lethally dangerous.
Whether sub or dom... the biological differences between male and female musclature makes the male far more powerful and quite capable of hurting the female. If we're talking two men... both are at risk.
N.B. I recognize the diversity of body types, both male and female... but generally speaking, the above holds true.
Quote:
Originally Posted by arwcuw
Thats one side of it. That the abused learns how to deal with the past by going over it again and again, now in controll over the actions themself, one way or the other.
Also, when abused at young age, thats often this persons first experience with sexual emotions. The way the body react isnt always controllable of moral and sociatys acceptance, and although its abuse, the body can react by being aroused. And your sexual preferences is in many ways linked to your first sexual experience. Be it negative or positive.
Fighting back can enhance a relationship between D/s
if it's something both know the limitations of and have
established their own personal boundaries within the
relationship.
I've found knowing how far you go and what is or
isn't acceptable only comes through time shared
with that person.
How those boundaries are defined for each of us
comes a great deal from our personal life experiences
(our environment) as some here have already mentioned.
Sometimes both (or even one)
might need that little extra edge to things.
A way of releasing an accumulation of sexual energy that
being less forceful or demanding simply won't do at that
moment in time.
As in all things there's an element of risk involved but
hopefully we also try and maintain a sense of right and
wrong (a form of balance) and know how far is too far.
Sometimes you just crave a little wrestling, working
up a sweat as bodies glide against each other during
the tussle. ;pant; Hair being pulled or twisted and wrists pinned
down as you either take or are taken. :aol_doggy
A more animalistic role as beasts in the wild where it's
conquer/be conquered.
GULP-I'd best stop now and shift focus to something
a little more tame. :4:
Not at all ... presumably he wouldn't allow himself to be provoked if he wasn't interested.Quote:
Originally Posted by vistana
hJ
Quote:
Originally Posted by His_pita
Hmmm. ::takes notes::
arcuw, don't tell pita that I told you this, but for over a year she has made little comments about how she enjoys rape fantasies. Don't tell her, but when we get the right situation, if she shuts up about it, it could happen.
I'm wondering just how she might try to turn the tables? Anyone have suggestions?
She REALLY looks good cuffed and tied to the bed ... not sure how she'll get away from there, but it sounds like fun!
(by the way, does this answer your question, arcuw?)
hJ
When I " fight back" I get turned over his knee. Which is where I want to be Would that count as topping from the bottom?
I think that fighting back, just a little - not intending to win, is an ultimate turn on. Abduction role play or anything like that is hot. I love situations like that with a partner that I know I can trust.
Awwwww, shucks Freedom you say the sweatest things.Quote:
Originally Posted by freedom37803
No hiding that you're a romantic at heart. :rose:
I'm going to have to come up with something special
for you now.
A little somethin somethin to make the day just a little
brighter. :smilie_orange1:
Yes, fighting back is definitely part of the thrill. At first you don't know how far the captor(s) would go - are they really bad-meaning people or just a bit drunk, you try to find the safe way out and all of a sudden (as this is a consented scenario) you rasie your voice, your arms fling out, but the other guy's already there and yank your arms hard behind your back, lashing them tight, and then he juts his elbow into your belly. You get groggy with sudden pain and sweat, and try to fight back but you're no match for the thugs any longer.
When you come to fully, your arms are roped tight to your back, your feet stretched to the bedposts, one of the men is past your cuntlips, your mouth is sealed with your tangas and some tape, and you know that whatever they want to get to know from you, first they'll use you as their slave girl for some time.
Great, but if I did a really hardcore scenario IRL (like, being suspended upside down, whipped and fucked by two men at once) I'd talk over the security side of it a bit. I know I'd feel hot though.
My sub really likes to play hard to get and she does struggle alot. It's great foreplay. She makes me work for the prize but it makes the prize more desireable in my opinion. I just have to be careful. She caught an elbow in the eye once and I felt really bad for it. I made it up to her though. HEHEHEHE
Seems like the thing to do to achieve the end results you desire.Quote:
Originally Posted by Brittykat
i definately think fighting back and having your Dominant use extra force to restrain you is a definate turn on!!:erotic3: For the sub to perhaps play a little hard to get would be fun too!
frankee
Proud sub of Mistress Cindy:rose:
Sometimes my master would do things that I didn't like. One time he tied me to a bed and let another woman touch me intimately. The woman was a lesbian (I have nothing against lesbians) but it was rape. I didn't have a choice as I forced to eat her out. She also touched me in private areas and didn't stop when I asked her too. After I was released I fought back against my master physically. He was much stronger than me and beat me into submission very quickly. He whipped me and put a chastity belt on me. He then threw me into a small cage naked. He left me there for the weekend.
Sounds like abuse to me. Your situation is much different from what I'm suggesting; what we're talking about is pretending to be unwilling and pretending to fight back, to enhance the scene. But what your master did was just wrong.
Yeah, smells like abuse to me, too. And I suppose that was with the Master you eventually left for precisely those reasons, wasn't it Misato? It's one thing to spice things up by pretending to struggle and another to be 'beaten into submission' as you put it...that's abuse and I'm glad you finally made the decision to leave him. :)