any tips for after a failed play session?

[oneslave4me]

Ok, we've all had them. The plan doesn't go quite as well in reality as it does in fantasy. The mood's not right, whatever, and the session flops and both are frustrated.

Any tips for getting over it?

I'm of the "if first you don't succeed, try again" group. Dh is of the "let's Take a break a while" group.

We've had one recently and it's casting a pall over the rest of our play time.

Trying very hard to not start screaming "get over it already".

[master_kyrk1]

I think alot depends on how and why it failed. Was it a medical issue someone was playing only becasue the other wanted and their head was not into it, was their an outside distrubance, technical difficulties ect.

in general when i have a session that fails or enters bad subspace. First thing i try to do is make sure my submissive/slave knows thaty it is ok i am not mad at them. Next I try to determine the casue of teh problem. (I mention some of this story in my post on pain). My wife and i were doing a sessdion a few weeks ago and it went South. One of the reasons is that the music she was using to focus quit on us. While the dungeon Master and some others tried to get it going again. She was haivng trouble keeiping head space. She was just entering it when the commotion started. As a result she tried to work through it but could not. When i saw she was having problemes we stopped before she ahd to safe word. Myself and several others spent at least a good half hour getting her back from the bad space. Cuddling blankets and fruit juice always good things. We then went to thje social area to relax, discuss things. I amde it clear though that before we elft we woulpd do another scene even if it was very light. Following the philosphy of if you fall off a horse get right back on. We watched a couple of other scenes talked relaxed. Then with the help of the host/DM we set up a different environemtn for ehr one where she could relax and feel safe in. We started wtih wax and went to knives and floggers. She ha da fantastic scene one fof the best for us both in a long time. Despite a few bruises and a couple of mild nicks from the knife she never even realized that it happened till the next day when shown. She had a wonderful time and was glad she got a chance to do a scene.

To answeer the question alot depends on circumstances. I ahve had sunbs who have hgad diabetic crashes in a scene. In those cases the play for the night was over period. Even though they claimed to ahve recovered seemed anda cted ok I did not wnat to risk them having another sugar attack. Alot of it is common sense and alot oof it is discussion what went wrong was it avoidable and doing your ebst to make sure the enxt time around things go better.

One last point. Sometime accidents happen i.e. subs gets cut with a whpi or a knife. Some dominants this throws for a loop and out of dominant space as they never wish to amrk or harm their sub or slave in that manner. My viewpoint is accidents happen sooner or alter we all cut or selves or someone else. As long as it does not casue the subissive permant harm or casues her to safe word. I feel there is no reason to fully stop the scene. yhes apply firstaid. But if they are readyt to go keep on moving on maybe scale back a little b ut that helps you restore your confidence.


Hope my viepwoint helps some. If you ened any more infoor have mroe questions feel free to contact me at master_kyrk1@yahoo.com
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[oneslave4me]

Mostly it was a combo of it being after a long drive, DH having to do work first, some preconceived notions and it getting really late. Butif we hadn't have tried it, we'd have both been grumpy too.

Obviously the answer always will be time to regroup and communication, just wish it didn't take so long sometimes.

We're getting back on track. A gentle reminder of how much good play time we're wasting always helps.

Definitely always a better route than a tantrum.

Have a good weekend

[master_kyrk1]

One thing you keep oin saying finally struck a chord. When yuo say he feels youshould wait beofre playing again, and also we have missed lots fo really good sessions. How long are we talking about. hours days weeks months?


If it affected him so strongly that he feels he needs to wait for days or longer to play again. Would bring up the questiopn as to why. Does he feel he made a critical mistake that could have jeopardized your safety. Did something occur that is casuing him to question his abilities. I amyself have recently been in the last position and it not a fun one to face. The hardest part to do is to force yourself to keep on moving forawrds, and to face your demons.

You made a great point communication in the long run tends to amke everything better. I wish you two well and much fun in your journies.

[oneslave4me]

it was about a week of rather less than fun play times after the initial failed attempt, but we're better now. Not 100%, but at least he's willing to play now.

And it wasn't him questioning his abilities, but he was questioning my abilities. So every time i wanted to play all week, he was like "she can't take me". And in having that mindset, of course, I couldn't.

Basically what had happened was the whole way home from a long trip I was telling him what I was going to do to him. He had to write something for work the next day, I did a little unpacking and surfed the web. Set up was already ready. He finished his work around 11 pm, the tempting started and he was in foul mood(he says he could tell I was tired and had already started to write the play session off). So I scrapped the original higer octane plan and went for a lower grade one(he was being REALLY fussy pre-play). Which apparently ticked him off even more because he really wanted the higher grade plan, which I wanted too. Factor in the late night, long drive, and his having to work and the whole thing flopped.

Upshot is I became incompetent because I didn't get aggressive enough with him and compromised my plan to fit his mood.

Not sure if that's completely fair, but I think it is the general idea.

To him a failed play session is worse than not playing at all. Which I'm not sure I agree with. To me a failed play session is something that happens from time to time, as long as it's not ALL the time.

Thanks for listening. I'm glad someone else can admit that not every session goes wonderfully.

[her_Joe]

[QUOTE=oneslave4me]

To him a failed play session is worse than not playing at all. Which I'm not sure I agree with. To me a failed play session is something that happens from time to time, as long as it's not ALL the time.

QUOTE]

Yeah, a failed session could be very unpleasant, but it hardly means you shouldn't try in the first place. Perhaps I would agree if I felt the session was predestined for failure for any number of reasons (like you've discussed); in that case it would be upsetting to have someon plow on doggedly saying "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead." But, as master_kyrk said, accidents happen. To not play because an accident could happen would make for an absolutely horrendous liife, wouldn't it?

her_Joe