How did you meet?

[Silke]

This goes out to all of you that have at least at some point had a kinky partner or playmate. How did you meet? Was it online? Maybe pure conicidence because a vanilla partner turned out to be more kinky than you initially thought? Did you go out to munches or parties? Maybe someone knew someone who knew someone that he wanted to introduce to you? Did you go out and actively searched for someone 'suitable' or did it just happen?

A LOT of questions, I know, but I just wanted to throw in a few different ideas.

Why am I asking this? Well, first of all it's a general interest kinda thing. Let's face it - I'm an outrageously curious girl. *grins* And the other idea behind the questions is, that there's probably a lot of people out there (and I'm including myself in this) that would be grateful to get some ideas where to find kinksters out in the real world. lol, even any info on how to spot them would be interesting...

Looking forward to hearing from y'all!

[_ID_]

I met my slave/wife on bondagecollars.com I have met one other from there, but that contact wasnt a good one to reflect on. Each of the lifestyle contacts I have made were cause we looked for the local community to where we were going to be. Once we made contact, we went to munches and parties and all kinds of fun events. Even went on a kink camping trip with some of the people we knew.

As a matter of fact, we are going to a BDSM club in karlsruhe this weekend. Fantastic place to experience. Makes all the clubs in the states look tame by comparrison. Should be a good time.

V/R
ID

[Uncle_Ed]

Hey Silke!

OK, I've tried just about every way there was-until the advent of the internet. I've been to clubs, parties, chatted to girls in social events,stolen girls from my mates (ouch), advertised (any UK based perves remember "OTK-FM"? I was put in there by the guys that ran it!) and joined vanilla agencies.

In case any one is wondering-I'm not a good-looking bloke so have my share of being alone.

I've always known my kinky tendencies and have tried to be up-front about them. Oddly enough I was chatting with my wife today over breakfast about this very subject. We were recalling our first dates. I told her on date two what I liked and she readily tried things out. We quickly discovered a side of her that had been hidden and were both surprised at the result!

I believe that being open is the key to meeting a suitable partner-that and a good deal of patience! Obviously if you can venture to a club, then you're bound to meet like-minded souls. This is easy for the likes of me-male, quite tall and solid and confident but a damn sight less easy for you girls. You should never put yourselves at risk and should always let someone know where you are going.

With the internet revolution the chatrooms and forums here seem to be a good step into a relationship. I'm not saying any more on this subject as I have no real experience-I love chatting and posting and have made some quite brilliant friends but have not established a 1-to-1 with anyone.

I suppose there is no easy way. There are signs of course and listening is thae best way to pick these up in here, and in r/l it is my old friend body language that reigns supreme. I watched a British Comedy film yersterday that illustrates this-"Kinky Boots" There is one seen where a girl starts to dance with a male cross-dresser in kinky boots carrying a riding crop. Her body language is incredible-"I want to stick my arse in the air and be taken here and now-after a thorough whipping!" (By the hero-not the cross-dresser!)

I hope this helps?

Uncle Ed.

[Scorpio'sWill2Power]

I like the idea of this thread as it brings all those who
read it some insight into us as being human.

I've met like minded partners through both the internet and
sheer conicidence as well.

As by way of the internet it was through one of our sister sites
to be quite honest.

I really love threads like this because it provides an opportunity
for others to see a little of us aside from what we use as
our screen names and avatars.

That human element with all its emotions, hopes, dreams, faults
and frailties and more that make us who and what we are.

I read the post by Uncle_Ed and what stood out was his view on
not being a good looking bloke. In my mind I look to see people
for the total package so to speak, seeking what lies beyond the
surface.

I've never been one to see someone soley for what they might look
like on the outside. Everyone has their own degree of attractiveness
on a physical level but what lends or detracts from that is what
we are inside.

One doesn't have to be the visage of God or Goddess to sparkle
and be accepted by those who are willing to see through different
eyes.

You might find I speak a great deal of hearts and minds but that
is what we are in essence. The two elements that comprise what
we call our soul.

We can meet by many different means be it the internet or through
everyday life. What makes that true connection is what we are
willing to share with those we meet and what they are willing to
share in return.

[davesmistress]

Very Very Nice post Scorpio...

[Silke]

Thanks to everyone who's responded so far...it's so interesting to hear your thoughts and ideas on this. And yes, Scorpio, I agree with you on looking beyond the facade and finding the essence of people we meet - it's a lot more fulfilling than chasing after pure looks. Hey, and (unfortunately?) the dom/sub desires aren't visible on that facade either...

There's a quote from the book "The little Prince" by one of my favourite authors Antoine de Saint-Expery that drives this message home for me every time: 'It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye. '

Looking forward to hearing more from all of you...this is soooo interesting.

[her_Joe]

I met my submissive in the Author's Hangout at another site many of you know (allowable to give the name?). She posted in search of an editor. I enjoyed her fiction and her online persona so offered services with specific requirements she would have to meet.

We emailed, then PMed, then IMed, and rapidly quit disussing fiction. In the next year we each divorced and have moved to a state half way between where we lived when we met where we are trying our dangedest to grow a 24/7 D/s relationship.

Any help in that is strictly accidental I'm afraid. Have at!

HJ

[His_pita]

I'm also one of those that likes to talk from the heart. When I replied to a PM from my Joe, I never thought it would take me on a total life altering journey. Ten long months of getting to know each other online, getting divorces, and moving to a brand new state with a teenager. It hasn't been an easy road, but it has been more then worth it. My life is truly what dreams are made of now. I have a man that understands who I am as a submissive and as a woman. I have someone that loves, respects and isn't afraid to put me in my place when I need it. He is my everything and I don't want "Us" to ever end.

[Masters_lilone]

me and Master met on line when i asked him for permission to be Mistress to his girl kitten. our relationship was mostly on line but this past valintines day we met in real life. we met on IRC and he asked me for some advice about a problem he was having with kitten and he seen how sweet and kind i was to kitten and we wound up falling in love with each other and we helped each other threw som rough times and now we are gonna be husband and wife once i move to NC

[Guest013109]

'Back in the day' when I was entangled in the BDSM community (and not married), I met most of my playmates and Dommes via internet. Of that bunch, most were met on AOL either in chat rooms or in IM conversations. Unfortunately, I never got to meet friends off this forum or other BDSM-related sites.

Outside of the o/l world, not too many ppl. know of my BDSM interests. I had a few g'friends take interest in the topic, but I never met a stranger outside the o/l world for BDSM acts.

[mina]

My life is truly what dreams are made of now. I have a man that understands who I am as a submissive and as a woman. I have someone that loves, respects and isn't afraid to put me in my place when I need it. He is my everything and I don't want "Us" to ever end.

Aww how sweet ^^ That sounds great, I'm glad that everything turned out alright in the end, after your divorces and everything.

Did you go out and actively searched for someone 'suitable' or did it just happen?

For me it just happened. Before I met Master I didn't even know how submissive I was or that I wanted to be dominated. I didn't really know anything before him. The very first time I met him was at one of my aunt's parties. Our first meeting was, to me, horrible and very awkward. I was so nervous around him I could barely speak and I just kept smiling at everything he said because of his accent lol. He didn't seem too interested in me and didn't act "inappropriate" towards me or anything. Fast forward about two months later... actually I have no concept of time so I don't know when it was, but he saw me outside of my aunt's house all upset and everything so he invited me in his house (he lives across the street). And yeah. That's where everything started basically. Well, it wasn't until days later that I learned about his "interests" when he asked me if I liked pain after seeing all of my cuts. So that's where it really started. The end.

[Tojo]

Man that's scary stuff about the divorces to get together with 'the one'

Real scary stuff.


Tojo

[Tojo]

Well I guess I could add to this- I've met all my girls on forums I think. My wife probably wouldn't be keen on a r/l thing.

lisa, the one who's 'collared' to me I met through a common interest in writing. We've been together 7 months or so now, spending time every day. That was on another forum- I actually 'hit on' her- something I NEVER do. She lied about her age- It was some weeks before I found it was her 19th birthday coming up. I nearly died.

I don't really play with her, I'm just a mentor & owner- she likes that. She doesn't have the privacy to play much & is too young anyway.

susy wished me a happy birthday on a forum, in a PM. She liked my posts & we started corresponding. We've had some serious play sessions over the past months, have a contract & so forth. Things are a bit stuck with her.

Jane is a dear friend I talk to each day, online or by phone. We planned a r/l meet, which doesn't look promising as a bf got in the way.

Saving the best til last, I met the most wonderful young lady on this forum. We migrated to another forum, then came back here. We just started as friends & I tried to help her over a few bumps in her life. The rest is history.
We've gone back to being friends who kind of dream about each other a lot. A day without her is empty.

Anyone who thinks you can't have a close relationship with someone via chat/phone or email has no imagination. I must say though, I had no idea of how powerful it could be before I met katie.

Tojo

[orchid]

i met my Husband / Master at a party...i went with a girl i worked with, that He had gone to high school with. We left together that night and the rest is history! we were not into the lifestyle at all at the time, and had a very vanilla relationship for the first several years we were together. that was in 1993, we were married in 1996 (in fact our 10th anniversary is coming up next week) and we have been exploring and expanding our relationship in this lifestyle for the past 2 - 3 years.

[submissivewife]

Congratulations on your tenth...hope there will be ten more for you!

[StillBehindBlueEyes]

How did you meet? Was it online?

I met master the day I joined the academy (BDSM libraries sister site). He greeted me. I was so scared if I’d been left to my own devices I would have been one of so many people who just join and leave.
I must admit it was an immediate attraction for both of us. I tasked for him then started chatting on msn. It’s grown to Yahoo voice chatting and Cam.
I can’t imagine a relationship anymore real than this o/l one is.
I was not searching for a Master. I was searching for a safe outlet for my sexual fantasies and the little posts I kept seeing about the academy intrigued me.
We’ve been together for 4 months now.

[risha]

How did it all start?

The computer was invented.. allright, actually it started rather as stillbehindblueeyes said "I was not searching for a Master. I was searching for a safe outlet for my sexual fantasies " and found a whole lot more more then I could of ever imagined. From online fantasy roleplay to realizing that it was something that was more then just fantasy to myself. I found a local group, met and kept some good friends and learned as I went both in RL and online. Now I have lived 24/7 for the last year and a half, with someone that I had met online and kept up contact, talking, exploration and finally He moved from his state to mine. Lucky me! I should also mention the progression from fantasy dreams to rl for myself has taken the last 7 years of constant exploration and learning, and so far I am just a step above beginnger in my own consideration of where I stand.

[His_pita]

Anyone who thinks you can't have a close relationship with someone via chat/phone or email has no imagination. I must say though, I had no idea of how powerful it could be before I met katie.

Tojo

So powerful in fact that I did get a divorce, so that I could be with the "One" I needed. My 10 months online were more real than the 18 years of married life I had been living. To give up my Joe would have ripped my heart in two. Plus, being online just wasn't enough for either of us. We needed and wanted to be together and so we made it happen and haven't regretted it one bit.

[mina]

So powerful in fact that I did get a divorce, so that I could be with the "One" I needed. My 10 months online were more real than the 18 years of married life I had been living. To give up my Joe would have ripped my heart in two. Plus, being online just wasn't enough for either of us. We needed and wanted to be together and so we made it happen and haven't regretted it one bit.

I love hearing success stories like that of how a couple turned their online relationship into a real life one. While I have never had an online relationship like that, I do have online friends whom I've known for years. Similar to what you said, my friendship with them is also much more real than any of the friendships I had in real life before. Sadly they live too far away from me, but I did have the chance of meeting one of them earlier this year briefly. I think the reason online relationships/friendships work is because you really get to know someone without worrying about how you look or being nervous at first, and you have time to think about what you really want to say before you say it. But anyway, I think I'll stop before Master comes over and reads this to tell me what a computer nerd I am lol.