New Domme

[chuck]

A winky motie would have conveyed your intent here.

I try not to rely on them. But you're right. There are times when the inflection that seems obvious in my head doesn't translate well in plain text. Thanks for the advice.

[fetishdj]

Thats why we have to have emoticons Because other people cannot see inside our heads when we type.

[chuck]

Thats why we have to have emoticons Because other people cannot see inside our heads when we type.

I'm usually limited to one emoticon then.:

[Jennifer Williams]

*sigh* No, I cannot read your mind. Might be nice if I could :P

[chuck]

*sigh* No, I cannot read your mind. Might be nice if I could :P

These smiley thingies are supposed to help.

[PixieStick]

I'm glad I stumbled onto this thread. I'm new as well and have an online sub. I'm doing lots of reading right now, trying to find ideas that suit us best. Any advice would be appreciated.

[Jennifer Williams]

Well, what are the forms of communication you are using? Do you send PMs, IMs, email, cameras, voice chat, chat rooms, or something else (I think I got it all)?

[PixieStick]

We IM alot, he has to email me daily, he's super busy and it's only a line or two, but most of the time he does at least do it. We've sent a couple pics, not alot. He has a cam on his PC but it doesnt get used regularly. That's it for now, =) we're just beginning

[Jennifer Williams]

You could maybe increase the daily email to a paragraph or two and require him to tell you about his day, every day, like a journal entry. And I don't think you should let days missed slide, unless you approved ahead of time (or if you want to give a pre-approved list of "permitted reasons emails can be missed", or something like that).

The first step towards control is just plain learning about the person. The greater the detail, the greater the control. You can increase the necessary detail as you go. For example, you can start with "I ate lunch at one o'clock" as being acceptable, then after a few of those require what was eaten for lunch, then why that meal was chosen, then after doing that for awhile you'll get to know his routine so you can alter it.

That's just one example. Food is an easy thing because you know a person has to do it every day. Same with sleeping, peeing, getting dressed, etc.

[fetishdj]

You could also set up a blog for you both to post to and comment on. Set it to private (only you and he can access it) and use it for:

1) Him reporting on his day/writing his journal. You can do this daily, weekly whenever
2) Him reflecting on his thoughts and feelings
3) Him being allowed to feedback on tasks you set him - both reporting the results (and you can attach photos or even video to most blogs) and him telling you what he thought about the task
4) You assigning him tasks for him to complete
5) Your thoughts and feelings about the relationship so far
6) Your feedback to him about how well/badly he completes tasks and assignment of punishment/reward tasks.

A blog is a little more 'formal' than an e-mail and so he may feel more inclined to write more. Also, making it once a week to report allows him to schedule it better around his other life.

[PixieStick]

Thank you so much for these suggestions! They are greatly appreciated. =)

[denuseri]

Just remember when doing anything online bdsm or otherwise: setting something on "private" doesnt mean it stays that way or that those you dont wish to access it cannot gain said access with just a little work on their part.

Be aware, pics, cam sessions, what you type into an email or forum or in chat (yes even a private chat) or unto an instant message system such as yim etc, is there online forever in one form or another (even when you think you have deleted it) and may become general public domain one day weather you want it to or not.

[PixieStick]

Also good advice, I had no idea that even IM'ing could be seen. Thank you denuseri

[fetishdj]

Yes, if you record the logs (which I think most IM systems do on default) it records the conversations on your PC so you can review them later. This means they are potentially available to acquire from one of your PCs. And that is not including the potential for a record on the server...

[Jennifer Williams]

Just think of anything you send out on the internet as permanent, because you can never know when/if it will ever get deleted from the server.

Of course, if you're trying to retrieve information that you want, think of it as gone forever, lol.

[Ozme52]

Just think of anything you send out on the internet as permanent, because you can never know when/if it will ever get deleted from the server.

Of course, if you're trying to retrieve information that you want, think of it as gone forever, lol.

One of the new "Iron Laws of Life"

Like:

The person at the back of the crowded elevator will be the next one who needs to get off.

Perforated paper will tear anywhere but the at the perforations.

Your private information on the net will be available to anyone anywhere anytime, except you when you've lost it on your own hard drive.

[Guera]

there is good keyed encryption software out there, though its a bit of a pain to admin.

[PixieStick]

I'm not techno savvy, lol. Tho I did turn off archiving on my messenger. Thanks for everyones suggestions!

[DomBob]

recently I came to this site as a sub and I have found my Master and I am very happy. Along with finding my Master I also received the opportunity to have my own sub. I took up the offer and have found a sub of my own. However, I have spent so much time as a sub and have greatly enjoyed it I do now know how to be a Mistress. I need the assistance and advice of other Domme either experienced or new! thank you all!!

I'm glad I stumbled onto this thread. I'm new as well and have an online sub. I'm doing lots of reading right now, trying to find ideas that suit us best. Any advice would be appreciated.

Hey - I just searched for BDSM on Amazon and found a bunch of books I never knew existed. Two of them caught my eye:


Creating a Personal Protocol by Shannon Reilly
Protocols: Handbook for the female slave

One of these is a workbook that makes you list behaviors you admire in a sub and behaviors you want to discourage. The idea is to present the sub with the protocols right away to give them a guideline. The author claims it really speeds things up and gives new subs a lot of structure they can rely on rather than taking days/weeks to make it up as you go along.

One of them is available as an ebook...

[Lady Julianna]

Always looking to chat with other Dommes and exchange ideas, thoughts and experiences. I am a real time Domme, and live the lifestyle 24/7.

[PixieStick]

I have very few experiences, but love chatting with like minded ladies myself! =)