Fuck, fuck, FUCK! You know, I thought I was doing pretty darn well this week...but it just all collapsed like a card house. *sighs* I think my resolve to work through being lonely only works until Sundays, then all the energy is used up and I'm raw...no protective layer left.

I knew I'd probably only get to talk to Master on weekends, so I was ok...until now. It's Monday now, officially...no word from Master the whole weekend.....and with the new work week starting....probably another wait until the weekend....and then? *sighs* I don't know how many weeks like this I can take!! It's not only being lonely - it's not knowing when or if he'll be there, spending my nights online waiting for the slight chance that he might log on and not wanting to waste one of those precious opportunities, not knowing fuck all...only hoping, wishing, praying, crying...trying to figure out what can be so damn difficult in just sending a single line to say he cares but can't talk right now? Am I being unfair? Maybe. But right now I can't do anything about it...I just miss him like crazy, miss him so much it hurts. And he's the only cure - go figure!