Silke's ramblings...

[Silke]

'k, I've been pondering something. *shocked*

One of my daily 'tasks' is to masturbate to the brink of orgasm at least once a day. No big deal, d'oh...? It's fun, pleasurable, hot...not really the thing that makes you roll your eyes, right? Well, at least some of the time...wrong. *sighs*

It's something that I just don't get about my strangely wired brain, but I've encountered this before: In times where I'm not allowed to touch, I'm constantly horny and would do anything to get some relief...even when I'm on no particular orders, reading this site usually gets me hot. But once I'm ordered to do this...well, the first few times it's great and then life kicks in and I just don't feel like masturbating at all. I don't get it, lol.

Now, I know this isn't about my 'feeling like it', at least that's not all of it. I should be doing it anyway to please my Master...but a few times I didn't. I didn't even try. (which sucks, cause when I do the 'feeling like it' part comes naturally, lol)

I haven't had the chance to talk this over with him yet, but will mention it the next time I write him tonight. I really don't know what causes this, though. It's not like I had a lot of stress or that I feel my daily routines are too much - I love them all and haven't missed anything apart from the masturbation task.

If I had to take a wild guess, maybe it's the missing tension (that denial brings about naturally - and I was on loooong denial before this, grrrr - love to hate it, lol)...maybe I felt that he only assigned me that task for my own pleasure (which I could take or leave)...maybe it's because I miss him so much? I honestly don't know, I'm just running through some possibilities.

Since I've encountered the same issue before, I'm sure there is a pattern somewhere that I just can't put my finger on.

Has anyone encountered a similar problem?

[fantassy]

I should be doing it anyway to please my Master...
If I had to take a wild guess, maybe it's the missing tension ...maybe I felt that he only assigned me that task for my own pleasure (which I could take or leave)...

My guess is that your Master hasn't given you enough discussion of the task, so it seems too much like you're doing it alone - which seems pointless. For example, would you feel differently about the task if he told you to do it at a specific time each day, so that he could think of you at that time with your fingers in the dripping pussy He owns, bringing His sub to the edge longing to cum and then denying her for His pleasure? Do you imagine your hand is his hand? I know whenever I've been given tasks to do on my own, Brosco spends a lot of time telling me how much pleasure he is going to get from thinking of me doing the task, and wants my thoughts focused on him while I do the task. Definitely makes it more inspirational.

By the way, Silke, are you and your Master still communicating by text only or have you added voice? Just wondering since things seemed to have gotten so much more intense for you.

fantassy