Dear Meester,

Going to work yesterday was, to say the least, an experience unlike any other you have forced on me so far. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you that I generally get quite loud when I cum but then again, if I didn’t tell you then I would not be fulfilling my end of the bargain with my Meester. What I didn’t expect was how you so quickly took advantage of what I told you and how your wonderfully evil mind works.

As I always must do when going to work or anywhere else outside the house I wore a skirt and blouse, bra, garter belt and stockings and heels (not, of course, my 4" heels) as well as a pair of panties that I was permitted to wear for the first time in nearly three weeks only because I needed them to hold my ball gag in my cunt. Your generosity overwhelms me Meester…

I never would have thought of doing such a thing and when you told me that I had to do that and then, in the afternoon, go to the ladies room and make myself cum with the gag taken out of my cunt and strapped in my mouth all I could do was sit, reading your instructions, imagining myself having to do that, and wondering if I would be able to while at the same time "wanting to"

After dressing I went down to the basement and took the gag from the closet and cleaned it pretty thoroughly in the sink in the laundry room. Standing by the sink I lifted my skirt, pulled my panties down, and with the gag in my hand slowly started to put it in my cunt. All the time thinking how I got myself into this position – that is, imagining you standing in front of me, watching me – and despite my reservations about putting the ball in my cunt I started to slide it in and it was not as easy as I thought it would be. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t as difficult or painful as putting my anal plug in my ass, not at all, but it did feel big and felt so "odd" to be putting a ball in my cunt that I just had trouble doing it (perhaps knowing that later I had to put the ball in my mouth helped make it a bit difficult too?).

When it was finally in I held it there and pushed it in a little bit further so I could reach down with my other hand and pull my panties up. While adjusting my panties it immediately began to drop and I had to pull the panties up a bit higher on my waist than I am accustomed to and that sort of felt like it would hold the ball in my cunt. The straps for the gag I tried to put inside my panties too and managed to get them going off towards both sides of my thighs sticking up towards my waist.

Immediately after taking my hands away I thought the damn thing was going to drop out and I started to put my legs together to stop it. The ball felt HUGE and I really didn’t think I was going to be able to keep it in my cunt and walk or sit or stand or even drive to work. I tried taking a few steps and while I was deathly afraid of it falling out I was also oh so conscious about how I was walking, or trying to walk, with my thighs pressed as close together as possible like that.

Imagine someone with a bad back, possibly wearing a brace too, that’s how I think I looked trying to keep my legs together while walking.

My very first obstacle was only about ten feet away from me and I didn’t realize it until I got to the staircase to go back up to the family room. It’s only 5 steps but I have to tell you, Meester, they had suddenly become steeper than ever as I tried to get on the first step. The first thought crossing my mind was to take the ball out of my cunt and not do this at all. The second thought was to stand on the step with my legs together for the rest of the day, not very a practical idea. The third thought was to take it out and put it back in when I got to work. And the fourth and final thought was to just keep it in my cunt, as told, or face possible consequences from Meester. I elected the fourth option and despite the constant feeling of the ball going to fall out of my cunt it did stay in. Although there were a few times when walking during the day it was only "in" a little bit and didn’t drop to the floor because of my panties holding it up. Now that gave me two more things to think about.

First, how do I put it back in my cunt so no one in the office would notice (like if I were sitting at my desk and casually put my hand up my skirt to push it in – not very likely!), answer, go to the ladies room, walking like some penguin in pain, then walk back to my desk like a penguin in less pain. Maybe this analogy isn’t the best but that’s how I thought I must have looked walking with the damn thing in my cunt like that.

Second, if the ball falls out and hits the floor how do I explain that I just gave birth to a red ball with straps … I don’t … I just run out of the office and never return.

I tried sitting as much as I could during the day, and although I did have to go to the file cabinets a couple of times I tried to time it so that there were fewer people around and as casually as I could I hobbled over and did what I had to do. I think hobbled is a much better way to describe how I was "walking" Meester (because the steps I was taking were no more than a few inches at best, just as when I hobble myself in the house with rope or chain).

On top of all this I know or at believed everyone was looking at me every time I had to get up and do something and especially when I got to the office. I know because a couple of people asked if I was all right because of the way I was walking. I told them I was fine, just a little stiff from exercising (my thigh muscles – but I didn’t tell them that).

Meester, as embarrassed as I felt (I know I turned all sorts of shades of red – the way I was walking, coupled with the fact that I was so "turned on" and "horny" didn’t help either) my biggest fear (and stimulation) came from knowing that in a couple of hours I had to go to the ladies, put the gag in my mouth and use my fingers to cum for you.

At about 3 PM I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to cum. So off I went to the ladies room and, of course, with the way my luck was going there were two other women in the stalls next to the one I had to use. That doesn’t sound right Meester, I don’t mean there were two women one stall together, just that they were in two stalls alongside mine (damn now I’m confused <laughing>).

Anyway, as carefully as I could I raised my skirt and lowered my panties so I could grab hold of the gag. It was, to say the least, wet!

Now, I’ve tasted myself in the past, so this was not new to me, however, I had never tasted myself all over a ball gag and this was new. I wanted to wait for the other ladies to leave but I just couldn’t. I wanted to put the gag in my mouth and when I held it up to my lips and started opening my mouth my tongue immediately began to lick it. So different from what I’ve tasted like in the past. The rubber of the ball mixed with my own cunt juices. Pleasant? Yes. Erotic? OH YES!

I sat there for an eternity … waiting for the other ladies to leave and praying no one else would come in….

When they were finally gone all I could think about was putting my fingers in my cunt and twisting my nipples as hard as I could. Immediately my legs went wide open and stiff, I began to push my fingers in and out and twisted my nipple so hard I started to scream (as softly as I could) … the ball gag does not silence anyone, if anything it makes some words sort of understandable but most not understandable (at least for me) … there was no way I could keep going and not making so much noise that someone even passing the bathroom wouldn’t hear me.

I had to put my hand over my mouth while I kept pushing my fingers in my cunt and rubbing my clit with the back of my thumb. I know I was getting loud but not nearly as loud as if I didn’t cover my mouth with my hand and when I came, which didn’t take very long, I felt like my whole world was just one big orgasm … one giant cum … and as I tried to relax and come back down to earth all those little whispery cums that I get started and I just leaned back against the wall/pipe/whatever and went off somewhere that I go to when I get like that. It’s a place that I feel like I’m drifting and don’t really know what else is happening around me…

When I finished and was calm enough to get back to work I still had the problem of what to do with the gag. I wasn’t going to put it back in my cunt and I didn’t have my purse with me. So I did the next best thing, I pulled my panties up and just plopped the gag in them. What I didn’t realize was that when I started walking again the ball was rubbing on my cunt and despite the orgasm I just had it kept me feeling as if I were being constantly teased. And this may, at that point, been the worst thing for me, because I knew I wasn’t allowed to cum again and I knew that it would just be a constant reminder of needing to cum again.

While washing my hands I kept thinking that I should take it out of my panties and somehow just carry it back in my hands to my desk and put it in my purse. But before I could decide what else to do someone else, the woman that works opposite me, came into the bathroom. She said hi before going into one of the stalls and I said (I think?) hi while turning a very very deep shade of red, I felt so flushed and so damned horny!

At my desk I couldn’t sit with the ball lying against my cunt. I had to get it out of my panties. So, after looking around to make sure no one was looking, I put my hand under my skirt and as quickly as I could I tried to take the gag out so I could put it in my purse.

Now I believe there is something called "Murphy’s Law", anything that can go wrong will, etc., and of course something did happen.

One of the straps caught on the seam of my panties and I couldn’t just pull it out. I had to put my hand up my skirt again (further this time to get to the strap) and release it from where it was caught. When I did get it out of my panties I put it in my purse, closed it, and then crammed it into my desk drawer as fast as I could. All the time trying to look to see if anyone was able to see what I was doing. The embarrassment of possibly being seen, caught, was so awful and so stimulating I can’t describe to you adequately how I was feeling.

I spent the rest of the day looking around the office and at the clock trying to make time go faster but of course all it did was seem to go slower. And all I did was sit there (I didn’t do any more work) hoping to just get out of the office and into my car where I would be safely away from all those prying eyes that I imagined looking at me.

Of course no one knew what I had done, or if anyone did know there was no indication from anyone that they knew. But the fact that I was feeling so scared and so excited just made me want to get of there as quickly as I could. I could feel my nipples getting harder all the time (at least they felt like they were) and I could feel my clit thumping (can a clit "thump"? … the way I was feeling I think it can … in fact I know it can … many times when I’m tied up and can’t touch myself I have felt my clit quiver and feel how it gets swollen … this was no different and to make matters worse I also knew that I was not permitted to cum again for the rest of the day!!!

My drive home was not pleasant, in the past, before I met you, if I had gotten myself so worked up before getting in the car I would simply park somewhere away from other cars and masturbate. However, not being permitted to cum just made the drive home so much worse for me. I wanted to cum, I needed to cum, and I was not allowed to cum. Is that what they call a cumdungeon? <I know it’s not, I just made up the word … but I think it’s appropriate, no? laughing>…

For the rest of the day/evening I kept going back to the having the gag in my cunt, making myself cum in the bathroom, how I had to walk with my thighs squeezed together thinking it was the only way to keep the gag in my cunt, how I felt about the possibility of being discovered in the bathroom, how I had to cover my mouth while sticking my fingers in my cunt, how I wanted to just do it all over again in the car before driving home, how I sat in the car in my garage desperately trying not to touch my cunt or nipples, how I spent the whole evening thinking about how badly I needed to cum and how I fell asleep with my hand cupping my cunt, so tired by that time, so damn horny…

So far Meester, yesterday I came closest to cumming more than I am permitted. It was a most difficult day/night. I hope I can continue like this because I want to please you, I also want to continue not cumming more than permitted because I am extremely fearful of what you may have me do as a punishment. I don’t know if wanting to serve to please you and wanting to serve because of my fear of your punishments are different or not, maybe they same (in some ways), and maybe I might not do what I am told at times because I want to be punished … does any of this make any sense to you Meester?

Regardless of whether or not my last rambling made any sense, I can tell you that when I was kneeling, naked, in front of you this morning, all these things went through my mind and all I wanted to do was cum again. But you didn’t give me permission (which I thought you were almost going to do – so much for a subs thinking she can think what her Meester is going to do <smile>), instead you had another little task for me and I must find the time to write to you about it later.

I also want to thank you for permitting me "an extra cum" today Meester… your kutje is most appreciative of Meester’s generosity.

Your kutje