Why Do We Submit??

[lily27]

Wow, there is some really amazing stuff here. Thank you, everyone, for sharing your experiences.

I am the type of person that always wants to know "why?" About everything. Often to others' great irritation and annoyance. The most all-consuming "why" that I have ever asked myself is "why am I driven to submit?"

At first the answer seems easy. Because I NEED to. But of course, the easy answer is rarely the complete one. I have to drill down farther. Here is the best I have come up with, so far:

Submission quiets my soul.

When I am in complete "sub mode" there is but one thought, one focus. To please Him. All of the other worries, and concerns, and quandries float away. The millions of other day-to-day events and details immediately become inconsequential. I live for only one thing. Two little words.

"Good girl."

That is the release, the drive, and the reward, all wrapped together. Safety and security is found in the knowledge that He looks after me, never lets me fall, and assists me in becoming a better person. When I feel pulled in all directions due to outside distractions, He reins me back in, and causes me to once again re-focus on the goal. Pleasing Him.

Unlike some of you above, I wouldn't necessarily call myself a "people pleaser." Don't get me wrong - I would walk through fire for my family and close friends, but I have never had a problem standing up for myself in everyday situations. I am not yet sure if that is a help, or a hindrance, to my submission.

What I was most surprised about discovering is that any sexual gratification, release, and pleasure is entirely secondary to the above. Of course, it is still GREAT, but it is secondary.


TomOfSweden, thank you for poking your head in and giving us your encouragement. I hope that other Dom/mes will do the same.

Oh, and by the way...the "He" above is entirely generic.

That is what I have come up with so far. I will update you all as I acquire additional revelations.

[nowgirl]

Lily - you had written this a few months ago:

Submission quiets my soul.

and for me - this is quite true. Although I've had submissive desires for a long time - those were more the Story of O fantasies. Now, being more involved in a D/s relationship, I realize the submissive side of me is sort of the yang to my yin... the quiet inner balance to my chaotic, always on the go outer life. I think this relates to what you say about the "day to day" D/s. It's not always about the kink. For me, it's about letting my submissive self make me a more thoughtful, caring, peaceful girl.

When I am in complete "sub mode" there is but one thought, one focus. To please Him. All of the other worries, and concerns, and quandries float away. The millions of other day-to-day events and details immediately become inconsequential. I live for only one thing. Two little words.

"Good girl."

That is the release, the drive, and the reward, all wrapped together. Safety and security is found in the knowledge that He looks after me, never lets me fall, and assists me in becoming a better person. When I feel pulled in all directions due to outside distractions, He reins me back in, and causes me to once again re-focus on the goal. Pleasing Him.

It sounds like we had a similar upbringing. I've been lucky to have both parents who loved me and - as you said Lily - had everything I've needed. I've had a fairly positive, uneventful but enjoyable time leading up to now.

For me, I don't think it was a lack of discipline in my childhood that has put me on this path to seek discipline and submission now. Instead, I feel such a strong pull toward acheiving that quiet balance. To achieving - maybe grace? - through pleasing... through submitting...

I found the following at another site... I wish I could attribute it to the right author... It has helped me put my submission in to some perspective.

There are two kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and the strength to follow; the strength to control, and the strength to yield. There are two kinds of power: the power to strip another's soul bare, and the power to stand naked.

Do not mistake following for weakness, for it is not. Do not mistake yielding for weakness, for in yielding there is resilience. Do not mistake the submissive's need for relatedness for inability to be alone.

In re-reading this, I'm not sure I added anything to your question! It sounds like you are doing a lot of soul searching in this new year... I hope this new person in your life helps you find what you are seeking.