Heartbroken - but its my own damn fault

[koppite727]

Hey Cariad,

I saw your posting and had to write you. Its been hard, thats for sure, because she is here on the weekends until December. I am trying my best just to leave the house when she is here or, like this weekend when she is visiting with her BF tomorrow, I am definitely going to get the hell out for the night.

The issue I have is that part of me is saying, "come on, its like a free session, and she will only be here for a few more weeks, you can go back to being her slave." but I know thats not the whole picture. There would be all kinds of other feelings tied up in it and I think I would be right back where I started after a weekend.

The worst part is, it was very very comfortable for both of us when I was her slave. And its easy to fall back into, but I know I cant let that happen.

jesus, whats wrong with me, i feel like one of those abused wives on Cops. lol. not that its a laughing matter, i was just picturing her in a wife beater and me with no shoes and matted, dirty hair, begging with the police not to lock her up lol.

Thanks for the heads up, you are right, its easy to slide back into how things were, but I am not going to let that happen.

everyday and in every way, I am getting better and better.

[cariad]

jesus, whats wrong with me, i feel like one of those abused wives on Cops. lol. not that its a laughing matter, i was just picturing her in a wife beater and me with no shoes and matted, dirty hair, begging with the police not to lock her up lol.

Well, I have to admit that was the image, although a lot less graphic, that I had in my head when I wrote the post. I have the greatest respect for wives/girlfriends who are going through abuse since in my line of work I have had the opportunity of helping some, and even more poignantly one of my best friends has been in an abusive relationship for the past four years; so I know it is very rarely a black and white situation.

Thanks for the heads up, you are right, its easy to slide back into how things were, but I am not going to let that happen.

everyday and in every way, I am getting better and better.

I am pleased that you are managing to stick to your goal, and hope that each time you say no, either to her or to yourself, you find it a little easier. Remember too that if you slip up once, it is not the end. You obviously have a strong personality combined with wisdom and practical good sense; so pull on all your resources and get through this, however difficult it may be.

And just think. one day I am sure there will be someone who will truly appreciate your submission and devotion, and will respond by caring for you as you deserve.

Hugs
cariad

[TomOfSweden]

jesus, whats wrong with me, i feel like one of those abused wives on Cops. lol. not that its a laughing matter, i was just picturing her in a wife beater and me with no shoes and matted, dirty hair, begging with the police not to lock her up lol.

well, you are. No doubt about it.