My ex, with whom I'm still living, has found himself a lady friend, which is great. He just got back from going out to dinner with her, we were chatting, I was sitting down and he was standing.

Then (being the subtle creature that he is) he leant forwards and stared at me hard and said "What's that - you've got love bites, dear!" Pulled at the neck of my jumper, blushing furiously, "Yes, I know I have. Go away, it's none of your business." You should have seen the confused, wondering look on his face! I don't know what he is thinking... Poor thing.