First Date Assignments

[obedient44]

Daes,

Even something as small as a demand to refrain from wearing panties or taking them off is a form of BDSM play and a first meeting is not a time to begin playing with someone, regardless of how much time you have spent talking online or by phone. The first meeting is to explore compatible interests and to generally become acquainted. You may be submissive, but you are not his submissive and you have no obligation to treat him with any more than the common respect that is due any other person in a social setting and of course he has the same obligation to you. You were totally correct to refuse him and I really think your instincts tell you he is not the person you seek. I echo what many others have said here, there needs to be a trust building phase and a Dominant has the responsibility of earning your trust and making you feel comfortable from the very beginning. THis may not be news to you, but there are many pathetic men who simply have the selfish desires to take advantage of women and disguise themselves as "wannabe" Doms. I think this person has already proven himself to be that sort. My advice to you whenever you meet someone who immediately begins to make demands as he did is to run, and run quickly in the opposite direction. I would not waste any further time with him as there are many responsible Dominants who know how to act with the proper decorum. As a Dominant, there are of course expectations that I want met from a relationship with a submissive, but it is not at all a selfish thing. Ideally, the things I want and value will come from meeting the needs of the submissive in a give and take from mutually enjoyable and meaningful activities. Good luck!

Ob

[His_blizzard]

"When I did meet, he requested that I call him Sir, and told me that if I wanted to learn about this lifestyle I should do it first hand. He then proceeded to hand me a letter which stated that if I was truly submissive, I would go to the bathroom and take off my panties and give them to him. He would give them back when we got to his hotel room. Needless to say I went to the bathroom and left the bar immediately."

This InstaDom obviously took a crash course in DOM 101 by reading some BDSM stories online and deciding that was all that was needed. Yes, in theory when we read these stories they are arousing. But fantasy and reality are two differnent things. Just like many of us have rape fantasies but we don't really want to be raped.
Every situation in this lifestyle is different. I did do some tasks and assignments for Master after I begged him to be my training Dominant and before we met in real life. That was my wish. He never forced anyhting on me until I requested his training and guidence. He respected me completely and, in fact, made me take baby steps at a time when my state of sub frenzy wanted to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
Any Dominant worth your gift of submission will be a wise and patient Dom.
Daes and cadence...I applaud you both for knowing what is right and keeping you self respect! ~bliz~

[Can's Peaches]

I agree with everything everyone else as said. You did the right thing. I am new to D/s and I just love this site. I have leared alot on here. Thank you for posting this because it helps us that don't know alot. Most of what I see in the forums just reinforces what my Sir has told me. He has always been a gentleman and respectful to me. If he asks me to do something and I am not comfortable with it he is fine with that. He tells me all the time that we will take baby steps and that I don't have to do anything that is not comfy to me. There are good ones out there. Good luck in you search and always trust your instincts.

peaches

[nowgirl]

He respected me completely and, in fact, made me take baby steps at a time when my state of sub frenzy wanted to leap tall buildings in a single bound.

Any Dominant worth your gift of submission will be a wise and patient Dom.
Daes and cadence...I applaud you both for knowing what is right and keeping you self respect! ~bliz~

Wow - I can totally relate to that first paragraph - sometimes when your emotions and physical feelings are so intense, you can lose your common sense. I've read about sub frenzy - where you want to do everything and you want to do it NOW - (i like the description of wanting to leap tall buildings...) And I've definitely experienced that frenzied feeling that seems to turn your sexual, submissive self upside down.

I would hope I'd have the same sense that you had, Daes... and cadence. Thanks for posing the question!

nowgirl