Semi-Reluctant Dom needs hints

[leo9]

After years of goofing with this, it seems that what she wants is to be pushed around sexually but she doesn't want to talk about it, and doesn't want to be responsible for coming up with any new ideas.

The more you can find out, the better for both of you. The suggestions so far of a journal and comments on stories are good, but you might also try setting up interrogation scenes. Question her about her feelings, fantasies and past experience while she's in submissive mode, with punishment for hesitation or evasion. That way she may be able to admit to things she can't normally say. Even if you don't learn anything new, you'll probably have fun

[UncleFester]

I appreciate the help. It's strange that she won't talk about it. At least the experimenting will be fun!

[albear]

It's strange that she won't talk about it.

I don't think it's strange at all, I have trouble talking about it too. If you don't have any luck with the interrogation method, maybe try something non-confrontational, like writing down something for her to do to give you an insight to what she likes (be it a story, or a fantasy of hers etc) and give her a set time to return it to you. Then you know what she likes/dislikes, and you can incorporate some of that as you see fitting, and when it happens she'll realise that it's okay to share things with you.

I hope that made sense, I kind of just rambled it off :haha:

[leo9]

I appreciate the help. It's strange that she won't talk about it.

I think you put your finger on it right at the start when you said "she wants to be pushed around but she doesn't want to be responsible". One of the strongest reasons for people turning sub is to escape the weight of responsibility and have someone else make the decisions in bed - and if the decision is to hurt and humiliate them, that just makes it all the more enjoyably clear that they're not in control. This is why so many subs are strong-minded or even total control freaks in vanilla life.

And one of the tricky bits of this is that it pretty much rules out her asking for what she wants: if she has to tell you what to do, she's still charge, no matter how many times she calls you "Master". (My very first sub girlfriend came to me because she was fed up with telling her steady boyfriend how to dominate her.) So you have to find ways that she can either say what she wants without it sounding like a request, or be "forced" to say it.

I'm afraid this doublethink is all part of the wonderful world of D/s! But it's worth it when you get it right.

[truckinnhorsin]

the others all have wonderful ideas.. another that i've always found useful, when i am feeling to shy to ask or reveal, other htan the journal, is the interrogation... as someone mentioned.. or a more pleasurable version (since you said no pain) where you drive her mad with stimulation until she responds with ideas.. or deprive her entirely of it until she is so steamed up and desperate, she'll do anything.

Teni