Question for all who are NOT "Switches"

[Ranai]

Again, I like that you both seem to have a good sense of who you are and where you belong in your relationship

We found out by doing, I suppose. But I don't want to give an erroneous impression: There are lots of things we are not certain about. I would say much of what we do is 'trial and error'. Which is fun, if one basically likes being together.

Of course, sometimes, it is 'trial and spot-on'.

Good luck to you, and enjoy the process of finding out more about your wishes and interests.

[Garnet99]

This isn't exactly what you mean - but please allow my twist on the question. I could never really be a domme, it's not in me, but there is one thing my master loves to do to me that I absolutely hate. It's butt plugs, and being f***ed up the ass! I just don't like it - and it hurts!!! I would love for him to experience it, just so he might understand my feelings. I accept it for his gratification, and the fact that I love pleasing him, but would love for that to just go away!!!

They say some of the best doms have subbed......I don't know if that's true...

[erotic_nibbles]

I am still popping in to this thread to read recent responses....thank you all for your input....I'm learning a great deal from them all...and that, of course, was the point of my posting this thread (and the one similar to it I put up on the same day)

Thank you all again

~~nibbles~~

[Ruby]

This isn't exactly what you mean - but please allow my twist on the question. I could never really be a domme, it's not in me, but there is one thing my master loves to do to me that I absolutely hate. It's butt plugs, and being f***ed up the ass! I just don't like it - and it hurts!!! I would love for him to experience it, just so he might understand my feelings. I accept it for his gratification, and the fact that I love pleasing him, but would love for that to just go away!!!

They say some of the best doms have subbed......I don't know if that's true...

And if not have subbed, then at least tried out some of the things themselves so they know what we are going through.

Garnet, what a great confession! How would he react if you said, "Gee, no. we won't be doing any more of that until you let me do it to you?"

The expression on his face might be worth the "punishment" you receive later. LOL

[Master Jack's pet]

i cannot ever see myself "changing roles" with my Sir for an hour, never mind a day. this smacks of role-playing to me. being a submissive is not a role for me; it is who and what i am. and the truth is i have no desire to "try out" anything else.

[csr]

i cannot ever see myself "changing roles" with my Sir for an hour, never mind a day. this smacks of role-playing to me. being a submissive is not a role for me; it is who and what i am. and the truth is i have no desire to "try out" anything else.

It's funny... I read through this thread again and I was thinking about something. Abitbent said in another post somewhere, something about how people are either "hardwired" or they're not. I'm starting to think once again that BDSM has parallels in sexual orientation. There are people both male and female who can 'try' out a gay/lesbian physical experience--just as an adventure. There are just as many people, likely even more, who couldn't do it.

We tried and it was an absolute 'no way josé never again' for us both. You're more likely to see Mobius in bed with a guy than me whipping a woman, no matter how much she wanted it.

Just looking at the variety of answers in this thread you can see how people are either able or unable to switch. It seems for some things we don't really have a choice.

Once again... interesting thread Nibbles!

[erotic_nibbles]

It's funny... I read through this thread again and I was thinking about something. Abitbent said in another post somewhere, something about how people are either "hardwired" or they're not.....Just looking at the variety of answers in this thread you can see how people are either able or unable to switch. It seems for some things we don't really have a choice.

Once again... interesting thread Nibbles!

Thank you, csr....that is exactly why I put this thread up (along with the other one like it).....I'm very interested in how some people seem to be able to get into variety and yet even in BDSM (a virtual smorgasbord of sexual variety.....physically and mentally) there are those that say...this is it for me absolutely

I don't mind how others view and live their own lives....I don't want to tell anyone they have to be this way or that....I'm just interested in the thought processes....because in learning what other people see for their lives I'm able to then put it on my life, in a way....see if it "fits" so to speak....and I learn more about who and what I am...and not just sexually

~~nibbles~~

[csr]

....I'm just interested in the thought processes....because in learning what other people see for their lives I'm able to then put it on my life, in a way....see if it "fits" so to speak....and I learn more about who and what I am...and not just sexually

I too consider myself an avid student of the human condition. With so much to learn from others it's a pity life is so short! ;-)

[Garnet99]

And if not have subbed, then at least tried out some of the things themselves so they know what we are going through.

Garnet, what a great confession! How would he react if you said, "Gee, no. we won't be doing any more of that until you let me do it to you?"

The expression on his face might be worth the "punishment" you receive later. LOL

I would love to try that - after all, this is consensual! I'll let you know, if I do.

[Ruby]

I would love to try that - after all, this is consensual! I'll let you know, if I do.

Yes, please. My man just laughs and shakes his head no most of the time. Meaning: "Nice try. Next!"

Good luck with the "switch" my non-switching friend.

[e.b.]

And if not have subbed, then at least tried out some of the things themselves so they know what we are going through.

Garnet, what a great confession! How would he react if you said, "Gee, no. we won't be doing any more of that until you let me do it to you?"

The expression on his face might be worth the "punishment" you receive later. LOL

LMAO, Ruby. Just imagining that with my own dom is good for a laugh...followed by a bit of a shudder. I don't think I could even say that to him with a straight face. And even if I wanted to and could, I have a suspicion that he'd make quite sure I lived to regret taking my smart-assed comments to that level.

And to answer nibbles' original question, I wouldn't know what to do with myself as a domme. It would be completely role play, whereas I consider being a sub part of who I am as an individual.

csr makes an excellent point as well...D/s/or switch is a lot like straight/gay/or bi...I think we all fall somewhere on a continuum for both, as opposed to it being black or white. I'd say I'm on the straight side of bi- as I prefer men but enjoy women as well...so more towards the middle of the spectrum on that one. For the dom/sub continuum though, I'd be way, way out on the subbie side...lol. I'd expect that good switches come from somewhere closer to the middle ground there.

Interesting threads, nibs!

eb

[Ranai]

e.b., csr, nibbles, I think you have brought up a very important point here. Thank you all!!

Sexual and relationship interests come in various flavours, degrees, nuances. You mention the dominant - switch - submissive continuum, and the straight - bi - gay continuum. There might even be other spectra with reference to sexuality?

Another thing that comes to mind is that one's position on the DS continuum can change in the course of some people's lives. As ValKyrie describes with her journey from switch to dominant. And that it can change depending on with whom one is interacting: whenever there are more than two individuals in the picture, we enter the realm of complex hierarchies. As described, for example, by women who interact submissively with a male dominant, and dominate another woman / other women.

Sometimes I wish that people engaged in sexual discovery would not feel so pressed to choose a fixed sexual 'identity': 'What am I really?' What's wrong with allowing oneself time to experiment? What's wrong with being open for surprises in the course of one's life? How about wondering a little less about being something, and try out doing something?

Also, should there be members on this forum who have not filled in their profile because they are not sure... I hope they read your comments in this thread and give themselves a break. Finding out that one is interested in BDSM does not necessarily and automatically mean that one already knows which role one would prefer (if any). What's wrong with leaving the 'BDSM Role' part blank, or write 'don't know' ? I am sure everyone here welcomes posts from people who can't really tell where on the continuum they currently reside.

[erotic_nibbles]

e.b., csr, nibbles, I think you have brought up a very important point here. Thank you all!!

Sometimes I wish that people engaged in sexual discovery would not feel so pressed to choose a fixed sexual 'identity': 'What am I really?' What's wrong with allowing oneself time to experiment? What's wrong with being open for surprises in the course of one's life? How about wondering a little less about being something, and try out doing something?

Thank you Ranai for your comments and observations.....I like what you said about "try out doing" something and not just trying to "be..." something....I often feel like that's where I am; trying to "do" and not just "be"

Interesting threads, nibs!

Thank you e.b. .....and thank you for your insight!

~~nibbles~~