Problems..

[Ranai]

miloura dae,

What you describe sounds not like a relationship to improve, but like a relationship to end. Because with 'BDSM' elements or without them, staying in this relationship is dangerous for you and your child.

I would suggest that in addition to the thoughts offered on these forums and in other places, you read this text:

Are you being abused? A Notice About Domestic Violence in the SM/Fetish Scene.
The author is Dr. Gloria G. Brame, who has extensive experience in BDSM, theory and practise.
Some of the criteria there you have already anwered with 'yes', such as:
Are you afraid of your partner?
Are you confused about when a scene begins and ends?
Has she or he ever violated your limits?
Is your partner constantly criticizing you, humiliating you, and generally undermining your self-esteem?
Does your partner use scenes to express/cover up anger and frustration?
So YES, this is an abusive relationship.

Also, I would disagree with the notion that the abuse is 'coming from your desire to submit to him'.

If you are looking for counseling services, you might want to take a look at
Kink Aware Professionals (KAP)
A resource for people seeking legal, therapeutic and medical professionals, who are informed about the diversity of consensual, adult sexuality.

The fulfilment you feel from sexual submission, and your sexual interests, are real and valid. Hopefully, there should come a time when you can explore them in a non-threatening context, with someone who is worthy of your trust.

Best wishes for a radical change.