Is this there a connetion?

[Ranai]

Hej og velkommen, tha!

As you can see from responses here, your question 'Is there a connection?' is difficult. Yes, everything in a person's life is somehow connected to everything else. But whether there is a direct relation of cause and effect between your recent explorations in BDSM and your boyfriend's current problems... I don't think we can really solve this question on this forum. The closeness in time suggests some sort of causal connection, but as we all know, thereafter does not necessarily mean therefore.

But even without being able to answer the question, I will try to add a few thoughts on the situation you describe to the good ideas above.

Can you have a happy relationship with BDSM?
Yes, I think so.

I heard a psychologist on the radio say BDSM relationships are broken relationships, suggesting in some sense the people involved are damaged but I have seen absolutely no evidence for that opinion.

I suspect this psychologist was confused by the clinical drift effect. Very unprofessional. In this job, one meets people with relationship problems all the time. It might lead to the impression that all relationships are broken or very problematic, simply because those who are content don't come for counseling. Maybe this person should work a little less and spend some more fun time...

A handy quote from The Five Fallacies About SM:
'There is no proof that people with unusual sexual fetishes or desires are less socially functional than other people. (...) As a group, kinky people are no more or less likely to be troubled than people who are turned on only by straight [here = vanilla] sex. It is no secret, however, that people with sexual kinks tend to seek out counseling because they are confused about their feelings or unable to hold together relationships which do not involve kinky sex. This "clinical drift" skews the perception of kinky people as people who generally have problems with relationships.'

'Suddenly he wasnt able to have sex in a while.'
This is not so uncommon for men or women and can happen for various reasons. Check out the thread Problems with Love.

Can your boyfriend's history of past abuse affect the BDSM aspect of your relationship?
Very probably I think. There is no definite evidence what causes one's sexual interests. However, I think past abuse has an effect on how one approaches BDSM.
As Ruby points out above, certain activities can trigger bad memories. If he wants to avoid those, please don't push him. If he wants to try anyway, he probably needs a lot of honest feedback from you.

What can your boyfriend do?
As you say, see a psychologist and work on it. Be patient with himself, allow himself time to heal. But not only look back. Look ahead too! He is an adult now: they can't do it to him any more. He could also read these forums and other useful sources of information.

What can you do?
Let him know how much you enjoy being with him. Let him know how much happiness the BDSM aspect of your relationship brings into your life. Not in a nagging 'Do me, give me more' sense. But as a positive reinforcement. Be patient when he is reluctant.

What can you both do?
Something independent from your BDSM roles... You wrote that his visit to his mother preceded a problematic phase. You could perhaps celebrate your next christmas as a pair. Or, if these visits are important to you at present, arrange doing them together. Nothing like having a loving girlfriend at one's side! It can change the whole group dynamic picture.

Meet people with similar interests at SMil forening for sadomasochister:
http://www.sado.dk
I have heard they organise great summer camps...

Meanwhile, I hope you enjoy the forums and all the information and fun they offer.