Valued traits in the life.

[Donatien]

I'm writing an article right now called "The Seven Essential Elements for Any Successful Relationship." In it, I list the following as absolute essentials:

Trust
Communication
Understanding
Compassion
Honesty
Respect
Commitment

In essence, I don't disagree with any of these as essential elements; though I would like to add another 'Love', in the 'agape' sense ( translated in st pauls epistle as charity , but perhaps more accurately as caring), and to precede each with the addition of the word "mutual".( needless to say love(in the eros sense) also comes in handy in some forms of personal relationships!)

However, having come across them expressed as here, as intellectual abstractions, in so many empty Mission Statements put out by uncaring, duplicious , beaurocratic organisations; I feel uneasy, even queazy.

I have come across serious minded dedicated individuals who sincerely believe that they are deeply endowed with all these qualities but, are singularly lacking in the ability to relate successfully with others at least on a personal level.

Notice the difference of association between charity, and caring. Caring as active and practical, whereas charity as more abstract and possibly cold. Big abstract nouns, are so static and intellectual, with none of the sense of dynamism and flow that verbs convey. No passion , No emotion either.

So much so that too much use of them can shrivel and dessicate the mind .

e.g communication. Who is communicating what with whom? and are they communicating or only transmitting. ( It has been wisely said that the only measure of a communication is the response)

In essence what I am trying to get across is perhaps best summarised in the episode in Winnie-the-Pooh, when Pooh and piglet visit Rabbit to wish him a happy thursday. Pooh is basic instinctive humanity, not too intellectually gifted but full of all the humane qualities,; whereas Rabbit is all intellect

.Rabbit who is always busy on 'important matters' is a little irritated by this 'frivolous' intrusion into his life of greater things, and so after wishing him a "very happy thursday" Pooh and Piglet continue their walk.
Pooh is thoughtful, and after quite a while says. " Of course Rabbit is clever;.... Rabbit has brain. "......very long pause......." I suppose that that is why he never understands anything"

I should add that this is not in reference to Tgs use of these forms of words , which are no doubt only intended as headings; but rather their increasing use by organisations as a smoke screen to conceal values that are all too frequently precisely the opposite
Donatien

[ProjectEuropa]

I have come across serious minded dedicated individuals who sincerely believe that they are deeply endowed with all these qualities but, are singularly lacking in the ability to relate successfully with others at least on a personal level.

* * *

.Rabbit who is always busy on 'important matters' is a little irritated by this 'frivolous' intrusion into his life of greater things, and so after wishing him a "very happy thursday" Pooh and Piglet continue their walk.
Pooh is thoughtful, and after quite a while says. " Of course Rabbit is clever;.... Rabbit has brain. "......very long pause......." I suppose that that is why he never understands anything"

I noticed in a relationship where the other party never stopped mentioning the importance of trust, integrity and morals etc etc. and that the importance of such virtues were not so important when applied to themselves. Normally when someone is telling you what a surplus they have of these values you can guarantee they don't have as many as yourself. Most people today are knowledgeable enough to be able talk the talk and think it's sufficient without walking the walk so it is most certainly a case of actions speaking louder than words. I tend to drift off into neverland when people promote such values in themselves. I much prefer and am more charitable to people who admit their flaws, probably because I need such charity myself.

As for organisations spouting values and virtues, I think we have the social sciences and academics with no other motivation than to promote their own careers to thank for that and the onset of political correctness and the rationalisation of human relations. I've sat through many a social work seminar listening to earnest people espousing virtues they could only categorise in their brain and were totally incapable of taking them to heart. Bland mission statements either on a organisational or a personal level telling us how we should relate to our fellow human beings is just a way of directing away attention from their own inadequacies.

Pooh was right, brains can become a barrier to understanding. Intellectualisation of human virtues does not necessarily help us to understand something that should come directly from the heart. Trust, integrity, morals and other virtues etc. while can be intellectually defined and found in a dictionary, only have real meaning when their meaning is defined in the heart.