"Barely Submissive"- A Question of Being

[Flaming_Redhead]

*blushes* You're welcome. I'm not really an advocate for divorce because it can be a nasty business, but in my case, I literally felt that it was a do or die situation. If you're considering it, make damn sure it's what you really want and worth any price because, trust me, you won't get out unscathed...i.e. loss of friends (they'll take sides), disapproval of family members, child(ren) choosing to live with the other parent, ex threatening to expose your proclivities to DFACS, ex threatening to make trouble at your job, etc. *deep breath* I'm still alive, and I'm doing the best that I can. Most days, I'm even happy! *smiles* People like tessa and DareDevil and VoodooMan....I don't know what I'd do without them....real people who love me just the way I am....*cries* I'm sorry....anyway, I don't regret what I had to do. I regret that I had no fight left in me....that I listened to my mother and tried to be nice to him....felt sorry for him even....while he was playing dirty....

See, this is why I stay away from this thread.....I blab too much! grrrr Don't touch me! Stop looking at me like that! I don't want or need your pity. This bitch right here is tough! *nods a lot* Everyone back away from the red-head slowly, and you won't get hurt!

*whispers* ppssttt....tessa, you can hug me all you want but only 'cause you give those boobie squishing hugs, and your hair smells nice....mmmmm

[tessa]

Everyone back away from the red-head slowly, and you won't get hurt!

*whispers* ppssttt....tessa, you can hug me all you want but only 'cause you give those boobie squishing hugs, and your hair smells nice....mmmmm

~huggles Red all up, adds in more boob squishing than is necessary 'cause it feels so very good~ Yeah, you're a toughie, alright. And cute. Let's not forget cute.

You know, even being married to someone who's willing to be involved in all this is still a tough deal sometimes. Life gets in the way, stress gets in the way, the need for sleep gets in the way, the damn phone ringing gets in the way, the fact that you just can't up and run off and stay kinkyfied together, alone, for like a year or two, gets in that way...I could go on and on, but I think these perhaps get the point across.

It's an ongoing deal...no matter what. It's the glimpse of what it all can be and feel that keeps one going for more...and more. Addiction in the sweetest way, I say.

[Sir_Russell]

Red
I understand how it felt and I think I understand the why you did what you did. You wanted to do the right thing, to be able to live with yourself in the after time. To maybe have a friendship so that the child or children would not be subjected to the doubt that comes from parents tearing each other down.

I respect what you tried to do

[Flaming_Redhead]

MMMMMMM Gotta love it when the boobie squishing lasts a little longer than necessary. *ggls*

Even dating a dominant, work gets in the way....*le sigh* Trying to be creative and inspirational is hard. I'm currently in the midst of plotting something inspirational, but it's difficult because I don't usually premeditate...um...reasons for a spanking....*eg* Drastic times call for drastic measures!

[tessa]

I'm currently in the midst of plotting something inspirational, but it's difficult because I don't usually premeditate...um...reasons for a spanking....*eg* Drastic times call for drastic measures!

~giggles at Red's "premeditation"~

I told you...bend over the back of the sofa, stick that luscious ass of yours out a bit and say "please". Just do it with that mischevious glint in your eye and a wicked smile on your face.

Premeditate that way and see if you get your "drastic" self taken care of, ok?

Then come tell me about it...detail whore that I am, and all.

[Ozme52]

Tell us all.

[tessa]

Tell us all.

Are boys called 'detail whores' as well, or is there another term for that?

[gagged_Louise]

Are boys called 'detail whores' as well, or is there another term for that?

Umm, maybe "he's a detail nut" would be better.

btw in Swedish there's this lovely word for someone who is totally into a certain (scientific?) subject, excluding all others: fackidiot ("discipline idiot") Now, that's really a juicy word isn't it tessa?

[Ozme52]

Are boys called 'detail whores' as well, or is there another term for that?

Men? Yeah, I think that's the term.

[Sir_Russell]

Red
I have to laugh at the idea that you have to create a need to be spanked. Any lady of mine only has to be breathing and within grabbing distance to get her lovely bottom turned pink or red. Then I love it when there is a submissive's pretty bottom over my knee squirming and begging for more or to cum.

[Wedjat]

Red
I have to laugh at the idea that you have to create a need to be spanked. Any lady of mine only has to be breathing and within grabbing distance to get her lovely bottom turned pink or red. Then I love it when there is a submissive's pretty bottom over my knee squirming and begging for more or to cum.

*sigh* Hopefully, I'll get my first 'pleasure spanking' one of these days. : ) Have to work on that "grabbing distance" part. Darned Rockies.

[Ruby]

Red,

Did you get that spanking?

I'm with Tessa on this one.

You might need to drop a ton of bricks on said partner and say something like, "I really need a spanking! May you give me one, please?"

It always works for me.

[Softly]

Wow, I have to say "thank you" to all of you. I know you couldn't have realized what this could mean to so many people when you started the thread, but from the responses, all I can say is "Wow".

Maybe it was the things I read as I grew up. The Gor novels as well as they hysterical, er...sorry, historical romances, but for some reason, I wanted my spouse to be strong in himself, but cherish me. I wished to be submissive and to have him bring out my desires, even if I didn't know it. I expected him to teach me. Maybe if we both hadn't been completely inexperienced. Although I had read the Gor novels and they had greatly appealed to me and whew! made me have some really hot dreams, I didn't think there were really people like that. I was young. What did I know?

After my wedding, my husband treated me like a child. Well, to a certain extent he probably needed to, but there was only do what I tell you to do and no consideration for me at all. For years, I was never enough. Not thin enough, too loud, not smart enough (grrr, smarter than him, dammit), didn't make enough money, was too emotional, etc. Never what he wanted even though he said he loved me.

I met someone online who introduced me gradually to some aspects of bondage and at first I was enthusiastic. Maybe this was what I had been wanting/needing. But as one relationship developed another deteriorated. I finally left my husband and moved out on my own.

On my own...what a terrifying thing that can be. Loneliness, and being faced with learning who you are. Then other things fell apart...I lost so many loved ones...family members that were like blows to my psyche. Then illness piled on that. I had to be strong. I was the only one there was now. How could I submit to someone else, even online, when I had to be strong all the time IRL?

Seeing this thread, I realize that maybe those glimpses into the submission weren't as far off base as I re-thought they were.

So thank you for your words and insights.

[Wedjat]

Softly, as a relative newbie myself, I understand some of what you're going through. I see a similarity to some of your past, too. My ex was just critical of EVERYTHING that either I did, or our daughter did. (Don't eat so fast!, Gee you eat so slow!) It gets very wearing after a while. I've had to struggle financially, but I think she and I were both more relaxed after we split. Good luck in your search and your personal growth - it sounds like your head is on straight and you're headed in the right direction.

[Softly]

Softly, as a relative newbie myself, I understand some of what you're going through. I see a similarity to some of your past, too. My ex was just critical of EVERYTHING that either I did, or our daughter did. (Don't eat so fast!, Gee you eat so slow!) It gets very wearing after a while. I've had to struggle financially, but I think she and I were both more relaxed after we split. Good luck in your search and your personal growth - it sounds like your head is on straight and you're headed in the right direction.

Sadly, it seems to be a fact of life that the ones that hurt us the most are the ones that we love the most. If only people knew how fragile trust is. It's hard enough to get through life when everything is ok, but harder to do when you question your own judgement because of previous errors.

I said it better earlier, but due to login gremlins, lost the post.

[Ozme52]

Sadly, it seems to be a fact of life that the ones that hurt us the most are the ones that we love the most. If only people knew how fragile trust is. It's hard enough to get through life when everything is ok, but harder to do when you question your own judgement because of previous errors.

Aint it the truth. Those who know us best hurt us the most. You wouldn't treat a stranger that badly... why do we tend to treat someone we love so illy?

I said it better earlier, but due to login gremlins, lost the post.

If it happens again, try using your 'back button' after logging back in... you may well find the original post still in the text box and can resubmit it from there. Worked for me when I had these problems... and try the "Remember Me" box when you log in.

[Softly]

Aint it the truth. Those who know us best hurt us the most. You wouldn't treat a stranger that badly... why do we tend to treat someone we love so illy?

If it happens again, try using your 'back button' after logging back in... you may well find the original post still in the text box and can resubmit it from there. Worked for me when I had these problems... and try the "Remember Me" box when you log in. [/SIZE]

I am starting to believe that the reason we treat each other so illy is because of a lack of respect. When I was growing up we called adults Mr., Mrs., or Miss, and in the case of older adults, unless you were one yourself, you never addressed them by their first name...unless requested too. Now it's common place to address anyone by their first name, no matter how little or well you know that person. We were also taught to respect the rights of others, but that has long ago been thrown out the window. No one has manners anymore and no one respects any one else any more. I used to think that was good. Now I don't think so.

As for the lost post, I tried what you suggested, but my post had been sucked into that black void of computer prose.

[Echoes]

Well I really have to say thank you, after at first finding this topic and all the posts a bit overwhelming.
A lot of what I know is based on my first poly Master/slave relationship to which I was able to do a lot of watching and I remember clearly the slave commenting to me how I fight being a submissive, perhaps I was not one, that accepting came so easy and naturally to her...she knew her place immediately ( tell you something more about me too? )
Yet here most everyone is reaffirming my feelings also, the fear, independance, stubborness, fear of abandonment, problems and more so.

Thank you...I don't feel so far out in the middle of nowhere nor so odd.

[Sir_Russell]

well said Tojo

Just as a real sub can't do what a Dom does and learns to identify them then serve them, a Dom knows that he can't go where a sub can that all we can do is be the guide and enjoy the voyage.