Quote Originally Posted by Barton
Sadly it seems that there are a lot of "people" who think that by saying they are a dom makes them a dom. This is true on line and in the real world as well.
In other words, there are a lot of butt hols out there.

Just because someone says they are a dom does not make it so. You were quite right to walk away. "Doms" like this are in reality little boys playing with things they will never understand.

They are the ones who should be feeling bad, not you.
What Barton said. Doms are not bullies, and Doms are not assholes, although there a lot of bullies and assholes (and worst of all, woman-haters) who disguise themselves as Doms. It's probably very hard to tell them apart when you're just starting out, and advertising yourself as a sub looking for a Master is probably like waving a piece of raw meat in shark-infested waters: there's no telling what kind of things you're going to attract.

At the same time, being a sub is not the same as being a doormat or a slave to the first pair of boots that comes along. What you give to a Dom is probably more precious than what he gives to you, and you have a right--a duty even--to find someone who cares about you and meets your needs. Don't squander your gift or feel you have to give it away. In spite of what most people seem to think, the D/s relationship is a two-way street on all levels. Trust and love and respect are probably more important in D/s than they are in vanilla.

I personally stay away from those "sub looking for training" ads. You might do better if you say you're looking for someone to explore some fantasies with. I look for compatability first, someone whom I honestly like and enjoy talking to: someone who could be a friend. Inevitably, the subject of sex and fantasies comes up, and by then you have a pretty good idea of who's worth your time or not, and whom you can trust.

It's unfortunate but true: there are a lot of nasty and twisted people out there advertising themselves as Doms. You were right to shut things down with that jerk. You're lucky you got out when you did.

As to the other guy, the one you liked, it's hard to say. On-line D/s relationships are tricky and ambiguous, and from my experience they're more rewarding for the sub then they are for the Dom. The sub gets the sensations of her submission, but all the Dom gets is what the sub reports back to him, and if the sub tends to be quiet or inarticulate, the Dom can get bored. You might try giving him more detailed reports of what you did and what you experienced when you carried out his instructions. That could keep him interested. D/s is a two-way relationship. Always remember that.

---dr.M.