Dear NaturalSub,

You're 23, you've got your whole life ahead of you and neither of these men are what you need. In the words of Richard Bach - "Argue for your limitations and they are yours."

Please stop putting yourself into a narrow box. You have far more options than you can see.

Reality check is that you are codependent on both for different reasons. Neither seems to be a healthy relationship and TG made lots of valid points.

When I was younger than you, I thought I found the man I would marry. He had me wrapped around his finger when he was kind, but his other tendencies...well, lets just say verbally abusive is mild. My Grandmom's advice was simple:
Get the man out of your life for 6 weeks.
Tell him you need time off.
No phone contact, no letters, nothing.
If at the end of 6 weeks you can't live without him, then go ahead and give it a try.
At the end of 6 six weeks, I was happy to have him out of my life, breaking up was easy because I spent 6 weeks crying, mourning, realizing that he wasn't the one for me.

Now about you and Mr. Vanilla

You already know Mr. Vanilla isn't right for you.
You are not responsible for your vanilla man's happiness or mental health. That doesn't mean you can treat him like crap to end the relationship, but it does mean that you can tell him you want time to think about whether or not he can satisfy your needs.

Tell him 6 weeks no contact. If he can't respect you enough to give you those 6 weeks, then he's already failed. If he can do it, then you've given yourself breather room to come back and say for example, "nope, this just isn't going to work. It's not about you. It's about me....you need someone who can give you things I can...blah, blah, blah."

Say whatever you can come up with that you can live with. Let's call it "the easy, let down, breakup speech."
You may want to practice it a few time.
Skip the "let's be friends" part, cause then you're keeping his hopes alive that you'll be his companion.

Ocean_Soul offers very good advice. Encourage him to seek help.

You and your former master

You love a master who doesn't love you. That just makes me want to cry.

Do you love him or the way he makes you feel?

What do you get out of the relationship besides a good time?

Is that enough for you, for now?

If you want to keep playing with him, does it keep you from finding a master/man who can love you?

Does it satisfy your needs in the short term, but make you feel used or unsatisfied in the long term?

Can this master - will he - help you find another partner?

If you want to play with him, do so.
No guilt should be involved.

Just take a step back and really look at what you're getting from the relationship.

Big hugs to you as you work your way through this trying time. Know that you have the strength to define what you want and to go get it. That being a submissive does not mean having to live in an unhealthy relationship or settle for less than you need/want.

To your health and happiness!

Ruby