Sub, Dom, or .....?

[Kaori-san]

I found that though I am a sub I can be masochistic and sadist, so I will enjoy the sadist side of BDSM, therefore I can be a switch in some ways to be able to exert the sadist part of me by becoming a Dom.

You just need to talk things through with your Dom, decide on whether she would want to have a relationship being a Dom or sub, then choose what to do about it. Tell a night when you might want to be dominant and her submissive. Then vice versa. Whatever works for you really in the time scale, then decide on that, change it as you wish. You decide on an hour for you to be dominant, then in the next hour submissive, that way you will aviod the confusuion of you both trying to be Doms or subs.

[her_Joe]

You just need to talk things through with your Dom, decide on whether she would want to have a relationship being a Dom or sub, then choose what to do about it. Tell a night when you might want to be dominant and her submissive. Then vice versa. Whatever works for you really in the time scale, then decide on that, change it as you wish. You decide on an hour for you to be dominant, then in the next hour submissive, that way you will aviod the confusuion of you both trying to be Doms or subs.

Steve, this makes great sense to me, too.

I'd add that I don't think I would be a very good Dom if I didn't occasionally switch to live the other part. Experiencing a caning or flogging is important for someone who is giving one. As for every other part of the experience.

The problem for me and my submissive is that neither of us is a switch .... so the change in role seems more like game-playing to both of us. But if you really are able to switch with your Domme and both truly able to get into the role, the experience should not only be telling but fulfilling for both of you.

Someday I want to negotiate a full weekend in switched roles, just to live it rather than just play a scene. I'm sure this would be exhausting for both of us.

her_Joe

[oneslave4me]

DH is dominant IRL and I'm more easy going. I don't really like to say I'm submissive IRL, but most things don't bother me enough to really worry about.

Because DH is so dominant, has lots of responsibilities at work, etc, he truly needs to be dominated to be happy. It relieves a lot of stress to let someone else handle things for a while. But, in play, his natural dominance can creep out, so sometimes he does a lot of topping from the bottom. Doesn't satisfy his need quite as much and can tick me off immensely, but still enjoyable.

I'm happy either way, some days I want to be in control, some days I want to be out of control. I struggled a long time with what you're struggling with, the "how can I be dominant sometimes if I'm submissive sometimes?" I definitely can't be dominant the same night after being the sub, but I can go from domme to sub in the same night. Completely wiped out from last night of double duty . And we're just now getting to where we can really communicate without a lot of confusion. We sometimes cross up and both want to be dominant or both want to be subs and that rarely works out to satisfying both.

We're not and never have been that rigid in our roles. We don't get into asking permission or punishment for wanting, etc. I think you are just starting out in your D/s part of your marriage. So talk about it. Or simply give a command or set a scene and see if she responds.

I don't know if I'm helping or not, but just remember ya'll are in it for the long haul. One night's confusion will not destroy a good relationship. This is supposed to be fun.