any tips for after a failed play session?

[her_Joe]

[QUOTE=oneslave4me]

To him a failed play session is worse than not playing at all. Which I'm not sure I agree with. To me a failed play session is something that happens from time to time, as long as it's not ALL the time.

QUOTE]

Yeah, a failed session could be very unpleasant, but it hardly means you shouldn't try in the first place. Perhaps I would agree if I felt the session was predestined for failure for any number of reasons (like you've discussed); in that case it would be upsetting to have someon plow on doggedly saying "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead." But, as master_kyrk said, accidents happen. To not play because an accident could happen would make for an absolutely horrendous liife, wouldn't it?

her_Joe

[master_kyrk1]

One thing i have learned recently the hard way and i mean the hard way, and it took me about 3 years to learn it. Is do not compromise your integrity when it comes to BDSM.

That means several things. If you ahve a high grade session planned then do it. The only way you should not is if you feel your abilities are compromised. then in that case expalin what is going on and why, perhaps with some negotiation things can be wroked out.

By not compormising I also mean being true to yourself and your beliefs and ideals and standards. I am recovering grom a severe case of dom drop about 3 years worth actually. Where in order to make family happy (outside of my wife), I sacrificed some of my personality in toning down who i truoy am. The downside is both dannette and I suffered from it. the good news is i got a wake up call that is making me go back and re-evaluate who I am what I stand for, and really researching what I believe and stand for.

One other lessons I have learned as a parent that applies as a dom. If you tell someone yhou are going to do something do it. If you tell yourkid you will break their arm fi they do an action you ahve to break their arm or they will loose their resepct for yo0u. No i am not advocating abuse making a point albeit it extreme. If you tell someone your goign to do something you need to do it, In this lifestyle out word is outr bond, and if you do not keep your word you have broken a bond break enough bonds and trusty goes as well.

I hate punishing dannette it breaks my hear to but I have realzied for both of us to grow and for me to get beyond my dom drop and for her to becomen a better submissive.slave if i tell her i am going to punish her for somehting than IO had better make damn sure I do.

Sorry if it sounds like I am preaching or condeming not my intent but worked about a 20 hour day so is probably not the best time to psot this but wanted to get it done while it was fresh in my mind.
I also hope what I am trying to convey makes sense to more than just me at 3:00 AM.

[rallan]

I'm all for everyone involved having a few cold ones, then towards the end of the evening casting spiteful accusations at one another about who's fault it was.

But if that doesn't fix the problem (and I've been told that for some reason it doesn't work very often), talking it over's always a winner. I mean it sounds like the plan went south because things just weren't conducive to the general mood, not because the plan itself was necessarily a dud. You were tired, he was tired, the long drive and the work stuff and a whole bunch of other crap wasn't exactly helping the mood... The best bet's to have a bit of a chat about it, come to the agreement that it was doomed to be a write-off, and decide whether it's still an interesting enough idea to try doing right some time. Then once you've got some form of consensus about it being no big deal and a nice optimistic gameplan to get something kinky happening when you've had time to plan it and everyone's batteries are recharged, then you can get down to the serious business of having a few cold ones and casting spiteful accusations

[oneslave4me]

One thing i have learned recently the hard way and i mean the hard way, and it took me about 3 years to learn it. Is do not compromise your integrity when it comes to BDSM.

Kyrk, that's one thing I'm learning. "All or nothing" has become a phrase we remind each other of. No halfsies. It's hard because you want to take care of your sub and keep things consensual, but you also don't want to compromise your desires.

It was not a big huge deal, just one of life's bumps, but it's always good to ask advice from "outsiders" so you don't have too many of those "knock back a few cold ones and hurl accusations at each other" moments.

Not like I can call my sister or girlfriends and ask them how to deal with it, they don't have nearly the interesting sex life DH and I have.

thanks again,