Dear diary,

I have just received a most interesting letter of application from a member of the aristocracy. What is of greatest importance is that her Daddy has A Swiss bank account!
I must thoroughly vet this " Lady Epiphany Bratt" as she makes several wild claims about her history. Fortunately, I have an old chum at St Agnes' School for Wayward Bints who will be able to tip me the nod. I must admit to being impressed with her collection of stuffed chavs-especially as they appear to be Burberry-stuffed. I am surprised that she has to ask about Desade being on the reading list...of course he is!

Reminder to self:

Fagging. Hmm...