this is only my opinion... i think you should tell your partner about your intrest in the lifestyle.... is your partner totally vanilla that they think that our lifestyle is for sick perverts and they would have no part of it?.... from what i read it sounds to me like you want to see her again but are scared to. i have a few websites that i can give you the links to so you can have your partner read them if the case turns out to be that they are totally vanilla that may help to show them that there is nothing sick or perverted about our lifestyle.