Opinions Would Be Appreciated

[Shredmonster]

So I am attached and living a vanilla lifestyle. But for the last 10 years I have wanted to visit a pro domme which I did last weekend.

I just wanted to go once and probably will leave it at that. But I would appreciate opinions from any of the dominant ladies here please.

We really hit it off. She was intelligent and beautiful. We just "fit" if you know what I mean - looks, smell, attitude, everything. It was the perfect session. I happen to be a very attractive guy in top shape, educated, etc... But pretty much a nice normal guy compared to what she must deal with usually I would guess. We have emailed back and forth and I told her I probably would not be back since I was in a relationship (I know I know) and just wanted to do this once. We have emailed back and forth every day for about 4 days.

She requested that I send her pics of the marks. I emailed her the next day after the session. Also, I told her the reasons I would probably not come back was that my curisoity was settled, I was in a relationship and that if I saw here again that I would start becoming emotionally bonded.

She thanked me for being honest and said a lot of nice things. Too bad that I was not coming back because she really had a great time. She would like to do it again sometime if I wanted to. That it was unfair that she does not get to punish me for my poor quality camera pics. That the offer was still open if I would like to come back.

I am just kind of curious. As a pro domme is do you think she was trying to churn up more business or is it more than that?

Thank you in advance for your comments.

[Katmandu]

Kind of hard to guess what someone really means, being the recipient of a "he said, she said" conversation.

OK, that off, let me say that, in my opinion, after telling her about your nice 'vanilla' relationship, and the fact that you were simply 'curious' to begin with (hey, we ALL should try everything once in life, eh?), she should have respected your thoughts and feelings and let it go at that. Very unprofessional.

[Carmenica Diaz]

Not all dominatrix’s are instantly professional.

In fact, a few are normal women who become a part-time dominatrix to experience what they’ve fantasised about!

It works both ways, you know. Of course, the money is good but it’s also a way of keeping yourself a little distant from it.

It’s not that acceptable in today’s society for a woman to admit she enjoys punishing and controlling males and I know that family, friends and career would not understand.

Most attractive males are boringly vanilla – it’s rather difficult to find a life partner who enjoys being flogged occasionally by the little wife!

Back to the dominatrix – maybe she saw you as what she’d been looking for.

[Ruby]

That the offer was still open if I would like to come back.

I am just kind of curious. As a pro domme is do you think she was trying to churn up more business or is it more than that?

Thank you in advance for your comments.

Is the offer still open if you want to come back for FREE?

Like Kats said, we don't have all the details.

Perhaps she is chasing you, because you want to be caught? You e-mailed her saying you probably wouln't come back. Probably is not a real no.

You may want to make sure you are sending the right signals, so she can, too. What do you want to happen next?

[Shredmonster]

Is the offer still open if you want to come back for FREE?

Like Kats said, we don't have all the details.

Perhaps she is chasing you, because you want to be caught? You e-mailed her saying you probably wouln't come back. Probably is not a real no.

You may want to make sure you are sending the right signals, so she can, too. What do you want to happen next?

Nothing was mentioned about it being free. I mean this was in a professional dungoen. So I have to assume it would not be. If I were to do this over the course of time who knows what would happen.
Frankly, my head tells me to let it go and move on. And I most likely will.

I did not mean to be confusing to her but this was probably the most erotic experience of my life and I emailed her afterward to compliment her and let her know that. Hell there was no one else I could tell!
So yeah maybe you are right and I should not have emailed back at all - but she did request pictures of the marks.
She had asked me some questions during our session and did not quite believe some of my answers and I wanted to comfirm to her what I said was in fact true as long as I was sending the pics anyway. For example she did not know whether to believe whether I was nervous because it did not seem so. And yes I would be extremely drawn to her if I were to go back.

I probably opened my mouth up too much when I emailed her after our session and told her she was intelligent and pretty and that she was the type of person I could potentially quickly form an emotional bond with - and that this would not be good for my current relationship and that scared the hell out of me.
She said she was delighted with our session and the marks she made - at least the physical ones. The session was really intense and she told me she enjoyed our time together. I am not bragging when I say this - but I am just saying I have been with lots of women in the past - lots. Plus I am in sales. I have had a lot of experience reading people and my instincts tell me there was something there even though there was a money exchange.

I knew going in that I was taking a chance on something happening - not that is has - but there is always a remote chance - life is strange. Fortunately I have not built up an emotional bond at this time but you know how it is when you meet a new person for the first time and you can't stop thinking about them - especially when you have had an intense experience such as this.

I am alright as long as I don't go back. I know myself pretty well. If I went back I might be in trouble though. Then again maybe I am reading too much into all of this.

[Ruby]

I am alright as long as I don't go back. I know myself pretty well. If I went back I might be in trouble though. Then again maybe I am reading too much into all of this.

I don't think you are reading too much into this.
That intense thrill of those first satisfying experiences is nothing to take lightly. Let's face it, it can be addicting.

When I asked "if the offer was still open if you want to come back for FREE?", I thought that would help clarify whether she wants you back for her pleasure or profits.
It was a question to ask her if you thought perhaps you wanted to go back for more.

There are many things to think about...
Was this for your entertainment?
Education?
If your partner discovered this activity would it harm your relationship?
Why would you be in trouble if you went back?

You don't have to answer here, just things to think about.

[Shredmonster]

I don't think you are reading too much into this.
That intense thrill of those first satisfying experiences is nothing to take lightly. Let's face it, it can be addicting.

When I asked "if the offer was still open if you want to come back for FREE?", I thought that would help clarify whether she wants you back for her pleasure or profits.
It was a question to ask her if you thought perhaps you wanted to go back for more.

There are many things to think about...
Was this for your entertainment?
Education?
If your partner discovered this activity would it harm your relationship?
Why would you be in trouble if you went back?

You don't have to answer here, just things to think about.

This was a craving I have had for a long time to do this. Funny it was like air being let out of a balloon after it was over. Like I finally got my fantasy fullfilled.
And it would absolutetly destroy my current relationship.
And I think it would be trouble if I went back because I know I would be so drawn to her - not as a dom but more as a person. I can just tell when it comes to something like this.
And I did not assume it would be for free. After all it was a professional dungeon - 8 rooms and all. But even if I did go back and pay I would be afraid it could develop into something which would not be practical for my current living situation.
But my point of all of this is I was just curious - trying to see if my intincts are correct about it. I could be completely wrong here and just seeing it from one perspective so I thought I would get some ideas from some of the people here.
thanks

[Masters_lilone]

this is only my opinion... i think you should tell your partner about your intrest in the lifestyle.... is your partner totally vanilla that they think that our lifestyle is for sick perverts and they would have no part of it?.... from what i read it sounds to me like you want to see her again but are scared to. i have a few websites that i can give you the links to so you can have your partner read them if the case turns out to be that they are totally vanilla that may help to show them that there is nothing sick or perverted about our lifestyle.

[abitbent]

Everytime i read about the possibilites of introducing a vanilla partner to the lifestyle it makes me a little nervous. No doubt, that if in Shred's current relationship with his vanilla partner, he can find happiness and compatibility, then he'd be truly blessed. What often gets overlooked however, is that in my experience, there are two kinds of people that are drawn to this lifestyle. Those who's sexuality is hardwired and can't help but seek fulfilment from it, and those who enjoy the fun and play that the lifestyle brings, and are here out of choice.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with either, because bdsm is an amazing lifestyle that is here for all to enjoy. However the possibility exists, that Shred just may be a hardwired submissive man, and although "play" with this professional may seem to quench is kinky thirst, he may find that there's a deeper need that can't come from play alone. A need that can only come from a partner who shares the same wiring. A partner that needs to be dominant, just as much as he needs to be submissive.

It certainly would be better for all involved, if he and his vanilla wife could find common ground and to be happy for the rest of thier lives, but sometimes i think trying to encourage hardwired lifestyle folk to "work things out" with their vanilla partners can create a sense of false hope. If their sexualities are not compatible, then failure of the relationship is imminent.

It's like saying to a gay man that's married to a straight woman... perhaps if you introduce it to her slowly, she might start dressing up as a male for you when you have sex. It's just not the same.

The truth is, it all depends on how Shred is wired. It could very well be that his relationship with his vanilla partner will work out just fine and both parties will be happy... however the possibility does remain that a relationship with a vanilla woman just may leave him emotionally unfulfilled.

It's a long process of self discovery Shred.. good luck with it.. it's not easy.

bent

[Shredmonster]

Everytime i read about the possibilites of introducing a vanilla partner to the lifestyle it makes me a little nervous. No doubt, that if in Shred's current relationship with his vanilla partner, he can find happiness and compatibility, then he'd be truly blessed. What often gets overlooked however, is that in my experience, there are two kinds of people that are drawn to this lifestyle. Those who's sexuality is hardwired and can't help but seek fulfilment from it, and those who enjoy the fun and play that the lifestyle brings, and are here out of choice.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with either, because bdsm is an amazing lifestyle that is here for all to enjoy. However the possibility exists, that Shred just may be a hardwired submissive man, and although "play" with this professional may seem to quench is kinky thirst, he may find that there's a deeper need that can't come from play alone. A need that can only come from a partner who shares the same wiring. A partner that needs to be dominant, just as much as he needs to be submissive.

It certainly would be better for all involved, if he and his vanilla wife could find common ground and to be happy for the rest of thier lives, but sometimes i think trying to encourage hardwired lifestyle folk to "work things out" with their vanilla partners can create a sense of false hope. If their sexualities are not compatible, then failure of the relationship is imminent.

It's like saying to a gay man that's married to a straight woman... perhaps if you introduce it to her slowly, she might start dressing up as a male for you when you have sex. It's just not the same.

The truth is, it all depends on how Shred is wired. It could very well be that his relationship with his vanilla partner will work out just fine and both parties will be happy... however the possibility does remain that a relationship with a vanilla woman just may leave him emotionally unfulfilled.

It's a long process of self discovery Shred.. good luck with it.. it's not easy.

bent

I really don't know if I am hardwired that way or not. Definitely like the to play. Dont think I could be a 24/7 sub or cuckold - I think that is too much for me.
The experience I just had was great without a doubt. But I think I can keep it compartmentalized.
My current girlfriend is willing to play. In fact we have done some things in the past but she does not have a true dominant nature. I wanted to experience 100% submission to a true domme.
I don't want to screw up my relationship so I am going to put work into it and find some common ground and I think she will be up for it.
But I will have to admit if I was not in a current relationship - I think I would have been open to hooking up with the domme I experienced. It was not simply the power exchange or the particular experience I had that attracted me - but also her intelligence and personality - just the kind of person she was. We fit both mentally and physically. But I have to let it go.
Better to keep it filed away in my experience drawer rather than try to draw it out to a full blown relationship and ruin what I have had for the last 10 years!

[Masters_lilone]

it's not easy for a person who is submissive to be with a vanilla partner in away it's like the submissive one is missing a peice of themself but the fact that your partner is open to the lifestlye helps but it will be tough for you to get the play that you are seeking if she doesn't have the ability to Domme you you should talk to her and let her know how you feel about the need to be Dommed sometimes. here is a website that the twoof you can read about the subject of D/S.

Http://www..castlerealm.com

[Katmandu]

My current girlfriend is willing to play. In fact we have done some things in the past but she does not have a true dominant nature. I wanted to experience 100% submission to a true domme.

Just a thought, especially since your GF is willing to satisfy your desire to a certain degree, why not simply add play on an occasional basis as simply the odd fun night?

You already said you weren't interested in it 24/7, and she isn't truly Domme material, but what is wrong with enhancing your sex life with a "special" romp now and then? It will certainly, I believe, strengthen your relationship. Just get her to go more all out just for those nights?!

[Shredmonster]

First thank you everyone for your input and suggestions.

I think that I will take your suggestions with regards to my girlfriend.

At the time she happened to be out of town so I took the opportunity to see a real Domme because I wanted to experience it at least once in my life. It was everything I pictured in my imagination - just a perfect session.

Figures I would randomly get a domme that I happened to be extremely attracted to for a number of reasons and perhaps vice vesa. Karma perhaps kicking in???

Unfortunately I have to let it go as much as I would love to see her again. I was as attracted to her as anyone I can ever remember. And I was honest with her and did tell her all of this. She left it open that she would love to do it again but I have too much to lose in my current relationship. As time goes on it gets easier to let go but talk about temptation!

It won't be quite the same with my girlfriend because she is not a true dominant and of course it is very exciting with a new person but this is O.K.
I think it will work out just fine.