G'day Daemon

I agree with Mad Lewis. I felt that your story was well written but cold.

Personally, I like to know what the woman is thinking.

I'd suggest with your obvious imagination and literacy you try to write a full length story. Create the characters, put them in a situation and allow a plot to develop. A good story (in my view) allows one to identify with the character and does not heve to have sizziling sex on every page.

There is an excellent story called "Leather & Lace, Inc" by White Knight which is an excellent example of what I mean.

You might also like to look at "Karen and the Torture Club" which I wrote under the pseudonym of Richard.

I found writing a full length story to be bloody hard work but it feels good to have done it.

You are off to a good start - keep it up.