I still have no sexlife, but I decided to take things with a grain of salt. I'm actually having a great time acting up -- oh, I know I'm going to pay dearly for that at some point, but it's maintaining my sanity. I take great delight in calling him a fluffy babykitten -- and get through with it. I even get through with demands for him to purr for me. Maybe it's those few grains of domliness that are slumbering in me somewhere deep, deep down in me that now take over. At the same time I feel quite terrible for misbehaving so much -- there's always this pang of guilt when I say "Go get it yourself" or anything like that.

I just see it like that at the moment -- he doesn't treat me as a submissive, so I don't act like one. I don't feel submissive either, and everything I tried to get back into the right mindspace didn't work. So I'll just go with the flow and humour myself as good as possible.

This is an arrangement that works at the moment, and which -- I think -- also takes some of the pressure away from both of us. I hope that it is giving us some time to, I don't know, get in touch with each other and ourselves again. It seems, in any way, as if the impending doom is not as impending anymore. Life is taking over and throwing tasks at both of us, so most of the time I'm just content with cuddling a little bit -- and sending him around. Teeheehee. Subbies revenge. Looking at myself, I'm happy that I'm not a dom. I think I'd constantly have to kick myself.