Is cyber cheating

[gloombunny]

Why are you asking us? You should ask your partner.

If you don't feel like you can tell your partner about it? That's part of the test!

[new1]

Why are you asking us? You should ask your partner.

If you don't feel like you can tell your partner about it? That's part of the test!

She doesn't think it's cheating so she will not discuss it with me.

[cadence]

She doesn't think it's cheating so she will not discuss it with me.

I think that now you have a bit of a problem there. You "believe" that she has cheated. She doesn't think it is cheating.
You have asked us all a question to which you are going to have many different answers to because we all have varying opinions. Only you know how you feel and why you feel as you do.

You both need to discuss this without having any accusatory feelings towards each other.
You need to find out why she has done what she has done, and keep an open mind.
She in turn will also have to be able to understand why you are upset.
Disscussing the issues camly and openly, may be able to help you both work this out and be able to come to what you are both willing to do next.

If you both continue to harbour bad feelings and refuse to talk, it will only lead to more deception on either side.

[delish]

She doesn't think it's cheating so she will not discuss it with me.

Communication is key. If one person in a relationship isn't okay, then the other(s) aren't either. One partner's feelings cannot be ignored. As soon as you commit yourself to the relationship, you can no longer say, "Well, that's your problem, so deal with it." Not without some hefty communication first, anyway. (Because there have been times where there are things that I (or he) just do need to deal with, but it's always "our" problem to bear. That's the cool thing about being a couple/in a relationship.)

I agree heartily with cadence- it has to be approached right. The conversation can't be accusatory, and it can't be heated. If you get flustered easily (I do), I would suggest thinking through exactly how you want to phrase things so that they are not inflammatory, and possible ways to respond to things that you already know she'll say. Bring up your feelings on the matter, define what cyber means in your mind and why it is something you're not comfortable with, and express that you really need her to communicate with you on the subject. Tell her how you feel about her (not about her cybering, but about her- gooey stuff, sincere stuff), and that you don't want to feel hurt, but you also can't just bury how you feel about this. And while it's obvious that the conversation isn't optional (from my perspective, anyway, without doing damage to the relationship), be willing to give her space, and time to think. If she doesn't want to discuss it right away, make sure she will discuss it with you, on a reasonable timetable, preferrably before something similar occurs again (if it even does occur again- she might not even be planning to do it, and that might be why she doesn't think it's important). I know, I'm getting preachy about communication, but I've watched so many couples disintegrate because they forget that they're actually on the same side! So it's something that is more valuable than gold... or, in my case, my perfume oils. Best of luck, and I hope once she realizes how important it is to you, that the situation is able to be resolved in a way that works for you both!