Quote Originally Posted by Sir_Russell View Post
amber,

I think I already know the answer to this but let me ask you any ways.

Is what you are doing is not just for J and not just for you but to submerge yourself into the submission you feel which pulls you closer to him even when he isn't there?

Does the fact that you are only doing this because you are going to be with him seem important to you or do you find yourself being concerned that as his possession that you have to look your best even when he will not be with you physically because it shows not pride of yourself but pride that you are his?
In answer to the first part, yes. The preparation of getting ready to go out or to a business function has become very ritualistic for me. It always was when I was single, but an element has been added since J: not only do I focus on how I look and act, but I meditate on my Master as well. Not just on what He would think if He saw me, but on many aspects of the relationship: what it would feel like if He were slipping the blazer and skirt I've chosen off of me, what we were doing the last time I wore the outfit I'm wearing, so on and so forth. The time spent puts me in a great head space for me, and for us in our relationship.

As for the second question, again, yes. I am concerned as His posession, even when He is not there, how I look and act. I consider Master to be a fine person, worthy of the best a partner can give to Him. I feel that, as a single person, I was the caliber of person He deserved and so I became available to Him. Now, I strive to maintain that respect I have for myself for myself and for Him as well. As I mentioned earlier, the two emotions/attitudes/motivations aren't separate for me -- they overlap quite beautifully. I know J finds me adorable and loves me even in a ball cap and filthy jeans, and some days, yeah, that's all you're gonna get outta' me, but there's a time for jeans and there's a time for something classier and I wish to respect when those times are for my Master.

For example, when I modeled for the first time I focused on how Master would see me and I how I would look to Him. Being naked in front of a room full of people can be scary for a girl, and thinking of Him and what I would want to look like if He were watching made the situation very peaceful for me.

Hope that answered the questions!