Thanks, Mad Lews, for the read through and suggestions (yes, coffle is the correct word-oops!). You’re very right that I do love my compound phrases. I’ll keep my eye on that in the future but, since it is part of my charm, I won’t eradicate it entirely (besides, sending Dean into spasms is too much fun ). I can also see what you mean about how changing the pacing and trimming the fat can lead to a very exciting short story.

As far as your question goes, I’m ready to try something else.

While it was an interesting assignment, my plans for the piece aren't to go for lean and mean. When reading this out loud, I lost my breath because the pacing was so fast and, to my mind, too much was left out. For example, illustrating Vish’s utter disregard for infidels would go a long way to understanding many of details you and Dean have questioned (the ride through the city, her treatment of Heto and Cago’s apparent dualism).

In fact, I've outlined it into novel form and see it around ten chapters, with parts of this assignment being expanded into at least three of them:
I. The arrival into the city and the introduction of Vish, Cago, Heto
II. The slave auction, a hinting of the religious war and more of Vish's casual cruelty
III. Training the slave with in depth description of the torture chamber and Cago's role.
IV. Sex training for the slave and the fires that start when she's aroused beyond reason.
V. Army on the move. Every time slave climaxes or gets aroused, there are more fires. As tents burst into flame, the army is rife with rumors of sabotage and the supernatural.
VI. Vish's discovery of the slave's ability and her decision to keep that knowledge to herself.
VII. Hurricane like storm. Slave's pyrokinetic ability saves day but leads to charges of witchcraft from the generals who want Vish removed from power.
VII. Vish and slave separated from rest of army by raging river and forced to find their own way back. Slave has opportunities to escape and/or kill Vish but chooses submission over freedom.
VIII. Homecoming marred by Vish's arrest for sacrilege. She stands trial and is sentenced to death for consorting with the devil and mocking god.
IX. The slave and Cago rescue Vish from being burned alive and the threesome flees to safety.
X. Vish collars both her rescuers and they live happily ever after as Mistress/slaves

Anyhow, that’s the grand plan.

I confess that I’m intrigued by what you're going to come up with next. It is time to give me a real challenge. Hit me with your best shot!

ER