Thanks Lady C, I have to say I did really like this piece. You set the scene very well, giving a real feeling of anticipation. I liked the few twists you added, the sister and the unexpecting ending.

You have a good use of languague and punctuation, which means this was a well crafated piece. I do feel there is something missing though, even though I am finding it hard to put my finger on it. I think that I would like to learn more about Steve's emotions, even though I know in this piece, he purposely was hiding his emotions.

I would like you to do another piece of writing, which puts Steve into a more openly emotional scene. The one idea that came to my mind was what if he discovered his sister was being trained as a slave! I am also intriqued by the idea of him being a slave too, so that could be even be an idea for the piece.

This doesn't need to be a long piece, or even a full story, just show me Steve in a different light. I want you to really let me know how he is feeling about what is going on around him.

Contact me if you need any more imput.

Thanks again for a great job and I look forward to seeing your next piece of writing.

AG