Well, I am getting a bit busy again, so I will probably be a little hit and miss. I wanted to adress the question of being too simplistic but over explaining things.

The verbiage you sometimes use can be a bit high school-ish. Just the same, you tend to over-explain what you are trying to say. When I get the chance I will try to give you a few notions on shortening things up and leaving some things unsaid. Until then try to look at your story and see if you can find areas where one word would cover the two or three words you use. See how you might be able to pop a moment into motion where it might lack motion. See where two short sentences might make something stand out and where combining two sentences might do so.

As I have often said, in moments of excitement you should go with shorter sentences. Not with each sentence, but with more than you otherwise would - it makes the reader speed his reading. When you are looking for a slower pace you should tend to combine more sentences and lengthen them - It makes the reader slow down a bit.

Anyhow - here is a small thing from the latest entry and then I am off.

He knew he shouldn’t get angry. He couldn’t afford it. But Steve’s situation was a difficult one, and acceptance came hard.

First off, too many adverbs to start a sentence. Also, you might want to rearrange the order of things and/or combine them. The last bit - "and acceptance came hard" should be a sentence all on its own. It would add emphasis to the situation and set up the end well. Also, how about a moment of feeling - "Unfortunately, his was a tenuous position. Acceptance came hard."

Also, instead of "couldn't afford" try another phrase - what other words are able to fit in the space? "He could ill afford it" is a posibility. This is what I mean by too simplistic.

Now, I gotta make like a nose and run.

See ya later, kids.