Slothlands Academy

[Qmoq]

Ed,

You've got to accept Jennyfer! The school needs a juggler. And ask her if she can draw a fish. I like fish. Either that or Cameron Diaz in a pool of ice-cream.

Q

[Uncle_Ed]

Ed,

I like fish. Either that or Cameron Diaz in a pool of ice-cream.

Q

eric is going to need a baby-sitter when cariad is in class.

The pay is one Cameron Diaz picture plus tub of wall's vanilla, you can do your own dunking.

Interested?

[cariad]

eric is going to need a baby-sitter when cariad is in class.

The pay is one Cameron Diaz picture plus tub of wall's vanilla, you can do your own dunking.

Interested?

As eric's mother, I just wish to establish whether you are proposing that the Cameron Diaz picture is dunked or eric is dunked. I am concerned about eric developing a taste for sweet ice cream at such an early age, particularly since I am currently refining his tastes in salty water.

[Uncle_Ed]

As eric's mother, I just wish to establish whether you are proposing that the Cameron Diaz picture is dunked or eric is dunked. I am concerned about eric developing a taste for sweet ice cream at such an early age, particularly since I am currently refining his tastes in salty water.

I feel sure that Qmoq's tastes, peculiar as they are, would not extend to dunking haddock in vanilla ice cream. Cameron Diaz on the other hand would as equally delicious as on the first hand. The chances of either of us getting her in that position are unlikely.

Ed Master (perveted Head and Father-of-fish)

[Uncle_Ed]

Headmaster's personal log.


Slothlands is a go! I must admit to these pages that I had some serious misgivings when I read the reports on the girls who have applied to the Academy. Some of them haven't done a scrap of work in their entire schoolastic career to date; some have been arrested for being drunk and disorderly; one had a sordid affair with that minister-you know who! Him with the squint and large holding somewhere in his trousers. There's even a police report linking one of them with the infamous "Golden syrup and The ArchBishop" fiasco!

Those girls are,of course, exactly what I expected. It's those damned little swots I hate. All "yes, Sir; No, Sir". They're no bloody good! I want to get my cane worn in before half-term! I don't want them to turn up for class in perfect uniforms! I want them to be disrespectful and arguementative-like that cariad! I've got my eye on that one! Miss "I'm a placid swan!" Ha! Furious paddling she wants-furious paddling she gets!

And that Suchaminx! "I'm a sweet angel!" with an "innocent look"! Who the hell is she kidding? I've seen the way she looks at squiffington-Up-His-Own-Arse Smythe! He doesn't notice-he's still watching old re-runs of "Blue Peter" and I suspect gets hard at the mere mention of Valerie Singleton.

Then there's jennyfer. Dark horse...black as midnight! She claims to juggle! Well, she'd better keep her hands off my balls while Fanny's around otherwise she'll be served for Sunday dinner-plucked and stuffed!

Now, I have an unknown arriving! chattel69! I do like the sound of the 69 bit. Must be a linguist of some kind... Says she likes sports. Don't we all! *note to self* check her out on vaulting horse with Stoat and Gonzales.

Right. Have an appointment with old mate JD.

Ed Master.

[Uncle_Ed]

Hello log! (Thinks, must get this flush fixed)

Well, not much to report as yet. The buildings are still standing so I suppose that is a good start. No sign of the little dears yet, but as term hasn't commenced again-no surprise. Looks as though I'm going to have problems with seababy...no official application. Hmm-will have to give her "private interview"...long one.

Fanny has kitchen in order and is happily running around in her apron...nothing else, just an apron. I do like the big bow at the back! Shows off her cute little ass. Asked me if I wanted to dip my finger? As nothing on hob I duly obliged. Sure that doesn't meet health regulations.

Stoat is knocking something up in his workshop. From the squeals I would guess it's Marie. They play happily together for hours by the swimming pool. She can hold her breath for a long time. As she's mostly strapped into the ducking stool thats just as well-I'll never find another teacher at short notice.

Frump is muttering dire threats to anything that moves. I should not have hidden her gin. But she does get so violent after the fourth bottle! I well remember that Croation wrestler she picked up. Picked up, swung around and almost killed. He said he wasn't used to homicidal grannies...

Oh well- JD is calling.

[Uncle_Ed]

Ok-opening day nearly upon me! Have told girls to give me report on first impressions. They're such a lazy bunch that I'll probably have to beat it out of them. Now I know why I opened this place!

I do hope that they enjoy their time here...it's supposed to prepare them for life! Probably ruin them for ever! They'll never be able to sit for very long, that's for certain. *Note to self* Contact inflatable cushion suppliers for best rates.

Fanny is still clearing out kitchen. With hindsight I suppose stripping the Academy tractor engine in there wasn't my brightest idea ever...

Oh well..