Well, I arrived at Slothlands full of the highest expectations both of the education and moral standards which I had understood were strictly enforced.

Having made it over the cobbles in my heels – hmmmmph bet Ed Master has never tried that, suffered the indignity of being mauled as I was carried up stairs by that rather delicious looking caretaker, met minxy in the Dorm crying over molten white chocolate (now that is a serious kink), I decided to go exploring.

Thoughts of chocolate, not white, drove me to the kitchen. Surely that was where I would be able to partake of a little afternoon tea. No such luck!

I opened the door to find fanny Cradock dressed in what I suppose is a practical uniform for a cook, a short flared white latex dress (wipe-able) showing how swipe-able she was. Suspended by a hoist above in the middle of the room, gagged presumably to muffle her screams, she was being attended to by a man I recognised from the photos in the prospectus as Ed Master.

That man certainly knows how to wield a cane! Yikes! And all because she complained that he was an hour late bringing her her cup of tea that morning.

Anyway, when Ed Master went to the freezer for some ice cubes, I grabbed a plain chocolate digestive biscuit from the plate on the side and ran for it. I guess Ed Master was in need of a refreshing drink, he did look quite hot and bothered.