Ed, Ted Stoat here, I've got your memo about the margarita kit. I've got the salt and the tequila, all I need now is the sick bucket and the morning-after pills.

Anyway, that's not why I'm writing. I found some graffiti in the girls' bathroom. Probably best if you don't know what I was doing in there.

Uncle Ed, he grabbed hold of a minx
T'was because she was up to hi jinx
She bent over his knee
And when spanked, he could see
The various cute shades of bright pinks

Ca-ri-ad was courted by Ed
She rebuffed him, so he pouted, and said
That he liked her behind
And he fancied her mind
So he said "Possibly head instead?"

Exhausted, he looked at young Julie,
With a rep that was fun but unruly
She took him in hand
And squeezed on his gland
Saying "no spanks from you for yours truly."

"Look at that arse of Seababy's"
Said Ed, with no ifs, buts, nor maybes
Caning it would be cruel
But it would make him drool
Like he had a fresh bout of bad rabies

Then he looked at the newcomer, Chattel
To discipline her was a battle
He needed more skills
So took those blue pills
Till his insides, they started to rattle

Finally, he came to young jenny
Whose charms were cute, clear and so many
He wanted a share
Of her damp underwear
But she blushed and said "I don't wear any!"

Cheers,

Ted Stoat