Since the thread has gone off in a few different tracks... My post replies to various ones... so... pick your poison here... LOL...


First point... Our effort here, whether it be in Forums or in Chat, is to make the site a welcoming & comfortable place for everyone. Our staff--admins, mods, greeters, AIs, TCs, PLs, etc--are all availible as points of contact for anyone who needs assistance.

More often then not, the "harrassing" type issues come up in chat first, because it's a "live" room--people say what they want when they want & rarely "edit" their "post" before sending it... That has it's goods and bads... My chat staff and I work diligently & carefully to make sure that problems are taken care of when they arise, rather then letting issues fester. On the same token, we have to listen to BOTH sides of the story: perception of one is usually NOT perception of the other... It is our job to sort through things & make the best call at the time. Usually that is the call that is going to protect the greatest amount of chatters while protecting the rights of all to enjoy the chatroom... that being said...

Second point... Perception & communication, together, I have found, are 99% the misunderstandings that take place. No matter the degree of experience, role or gender, anytime you meet someone online you are going to form an "opinion" and an "image" of that person that no photos or webcam or reality will destroy while you remain o/l. Why? Because, that's the nature of a fantasy: you see what you want to see... "rose colored glasses" perhaps... and, sadly, more often then not, it's the submissive that seems to end up in that position, so it's the submissive, often, that has their "fantasy" shattered when they meet a prospective partner in real life for the first time. Now, does that mean they won't ever try again? No, but they will be more leery of trying if they have dealt with a bad situation before. It's the same thing in ANY facit of our lives really: bitten once, shame on them; bitten twice, shame on us.

There is NO harm in taking things slow, of being a bit paranoid about your privacy, or anything of that nature. There's NOTHING wrong with saying, "I am not ready to talk to you on the phone yet," or "I am not ready to meet you yet." A GOOD partner will understand that this means you need more time & space, not that you're running away from the relationship necessarily. Patience is needed on BOTH sides, as is a good dose of reality, communication AND perception control...

Be cautious, be studious... go with your gut!!! I tell people in chat all the time... "If it doesn't feel right in your gut, it's probably not right."


Third point (and last one!)... Everyone is a multi-faceted human being. God forbid that submissives OR Dominants be more then the shell of a person you see for 10 minutes in a chatroom, or 5 seconds in a photo or their profile. You HAVE to get to know the WHOLE person before you get involved too deep... what makes them tick? What do they like? What do they dislike? What's their life plan? You'd be a fool for marrying a mail-order bride: just as you would be a fool for collaring & moving in with an o/l partner before you ever meet them.

Use some common sense and trust your gut: I don't think you will be often disappointed.

The problem in general comes down to one of patience... people want that perfect One, and want them NOW. They don't want to wait, don't want to eternally look, don't want to have to put the effort in... they just want them to appear. Might I suggest to you instead a blowup doll? Because without patience, time, and investment, that is about how superficial your relationship with anyone long term can be...

As always, just my 2 cents.