Hello, fellow co-conspirator escapee person called Cariad...

Everything’s ready! We tunnel tonight! It’s finished, like at the end of the Shawshank Redemption, or that other film about those prisoners of war who make an escape that was great. I forget what it was called.

As planned, the tunnel begins in a place where no-one will ever look – Julie’s underwear drawer. Well, she never looks there, anyway. Truly. I cleared away the cobwebs and started digging a few days ago. Thanks for lending me the hand-held, multi-speed drill, and I’ll promise not to tell anyone about those special drill-bits that you use.

And all those bedposts you found came in handy to support the tunnel. Good idea of yours to look at the back of Ted’s shed. (What were you doing there anyway? You weren’t after his stash of Educational Films, were you?) Do you think it’s true that he keeps a bedpost from each girl he catches being naughty? Because I saw about two dozen of Seababy’s in there. I couldn’t use some of them, because of all the notches and carvings and sawn-off handcuffs that were on them. Health and safety, y’know?

I just hope the tunnel ends up in the right place. We will have fun in the Pervington Boys’ School. We must do! It’s where the headmaster learned everything he knows.

Cariad, have you brought the goodies? I’ve got some whipped cream, but you were going to get everything else, weren’t you? So, have you packed the clothes pegs, spatulas, teabags, some of Fanny’s juiciest tarts, embrocation, cock rings, coat hangers, ring doughnuts for hoop-la, pencils and pencil sharpeners, white chocolate cornettos, and twenty feet of sturdy chain borrowed from Chattel. You must have a big satchel.

So all we need now is the diversion. It’s Ted’s birthday, so we could give the old pervert a surprise party. You can ask Miss Gonzales if you can borrow her margarita kit, but put on that cute face she likes, she’ll never say no. If she says no, then just tell her you know all about her and Ted, and the school newsletter is out soon, and it’s going to have pictures and everything. Giggles.

I reckon we should lace the margaritas with El Diablo industrial-strength tequila. It’s a simple plan, but fiendish, and the other girls will enjoy themselves too. Just tell Jennyfer not to smoke within twenty yards of the party unless she wants a new way of shaping her eyebrows.

So, assuming you don’t drink too much El Diablo, or get tied up in the inevitable orgy, we should be at the boys’ dorm by midnight. Don’t forget your batteries, we’ll need two sets each, one for the miner’s lamps we’re going to wear. I can’t wait to shine my torch to have a look inside a boys’ darkened chambers. I’m so excited I think I need to go and change!

Suchaminx x