From the desk of
Mr. Arbuthnot Squiffington-Smythe (with an ‘e’)
Teacher (With A Tawse)
Bachelor Of Naughtiness, Doctorate Advanced General Excellence

Dear Tiddles,

Thank you for your comments, which are entirely in-line with some thoughts that arose in my conversation with a pupil during an intense session of private training recently.

We were taking the opportunity of Midsummer Night to do some serious work on her Bottom in advance of a much-anticipated performance this summer. I (for 'twas I) said to cariad (for 'twas she) that the school could benefit (for 'tcould) from a well-trained pet, duly collared, who could unite the affections of staff and pupils. I further suggested that this pet could delight with her animal noises, at which point my pupil asked 'Do you mean me? ow!'

In any case, I shall forward your note to the Edmaster. I feel sure he is likely to offer you a visiting fellowship. We have never knowingly turned away an obliging pussy.

Yours etc.,

Buffy (without an 'e')