What do you consider "red flags"?

[bip0lar]

Hm, i'm weird, so this is how my red flag list goes:
a) all the right answers, right away. But i mean right to the dot, no 'buts', nothing. all mechanical-like.
b) after we exchange first names, putting my name at the end of each effing sentence. reminds me of bad times, so yeh, i know it's not a red flag for normal people, but it just wants me to back the hell away.
c) the obvious, outright insults most wannabe dominants use. but those are a red flag for most subs, i guess.

[amosse85]

a) all the right answers, right away. But i mean right to the dot, no 'buts', nothing. all mechanical-like.

Good instinct.

[fellintobed]

b) after we exchange first names, putting my name at the end of each effing sentence. reminds me of bad times, so yeh, i know it's not a red flag for normal people, but it just wants me to back the hell away.

That's an interesting perspective. Too many people are survivors* of Very Bad Experiences, BDSM-scene or otherwise, and therefore have personal triggers that others don't. Without getting into details on a public forum, I too have very personal red flags (and also activities I will not, under any circumstances, participate in) stemming from past trauma. There is definitely no need to feel bad or apologetic for this - not that you expressed those feelings, but for others who may be reading this and nodding along in empathy.

*I prefer the term "survivor" to "victim"... PM me if you're curious about my philosophy behind this.

[Polaris]

I have bad instincts. When I figured that out, I learned to watch out for the red flags, and now pretty much everything is a red flag to me. Talk about trust issues Anyway, there are some I feel are usually very accurate:

- The relationship you have moves from "barely know each other" to "you are the love of my life" too quickly. It may look sweet and romantic, and you may be so blown away by this other person -- but it's a major red flag.

- They make you feel uncomfortable, as if you were doing something wrong, without you being able to nail it down.

- They are secretive. They are unclear in what they say, and/or will not clarify it for you.

- They don't seem to recognise their mistakes, and if they do it was somehow -- mysteriously -- your own fault. There are no 'sorrys' without 'buts'.

All I can think of right now. Generally I'd say if it feels like a red flag, it mostly IS a red flag. Listen to your instincts, usually they are acting up for a reason.