Thank you, again, for all of Y/your kind words. Maybe i should be a little more specific. While i do find myself in a vanilla relationship, it is not bad whatsoever. Everything that anyone could ever ask for is within this relationship....ok, when i say that, of course meaning anyone vanilla, who doesn't need to have their Dom/me or submissiveness tapped into. i have been with him for almost three years and while things aren't boring, in the bedroom, i am unable to be the sub i know i am. He does know about my needs as a sub for a very long time now...and has tried many times to 'accomodate' my needs. i give him much credit for trying, however his attempts haven't really lifted off the ground as he believes that bdsm is only 'foreplay' or about sex. He hasn't been able to grasp that it is much more psychological before it becomes physical. He will choke me, spank me, bite me and fist me...mmmmm, but the voice of a Dom doesn't present itself. No, i am not saying he is a girly man, which he is NOT, and i shoudln't compare him to the Dom i did serve, but Him, ahhh..i knew he meant business. It has been a back and forth struggle for me. I have tried to bury, if you will, my sub feelings and move on, and found the needs/desires screamed louder within me. So again, I want to thank Y/you all for the kind words! Thus far my time here has been very welcoming!