I have NO desire to get to know someone romantically until I'm sure we're on the same wavelength as far as BDSM is concerned. There is no amount of liking someone as a person that could make me want to be with him if, say, he LIVES for...poly. I would not ask him to give that up for me, but neither am I going to all of a sudden decide to do it just for him. It doesn't make the other stuff any less important in the long run if you're looking for a serious relationship, but I just don't see the point in wasting each other's time.