If she won't talk to you this won't work. I realize there has been a lot of talk on this thread, and I think it's wonderful everyone is so helpful. But, from where I sit, there is no relationship. Without communication there can be no trust, with no trust, you have nothing more than a play partner. If you both want that, great. There is nothing wrong with it. But you can't control a play partner outside of a scene.

You want a punishment for that behavior? Try telling her there is nothing. There will be no play, no control, no scening until she is ready to open up and talk. If she makes a valiant attempt to open up and communicate with you, reward that.

I know I for one have many many many things that I have repressed from twisted childhood trauma. I can't spit it all out in one sitting. But my Master has been unbelievably patient and supportive in encouraging me to talk and work through it.

I have two thoughts on this whole thing... 1. She has issues that NEED to be addressed and worked out in her time with support and encouragement. Or the latter 2. She is far too childish to actually thrive inside of an open and functioning relationship and all she wants is the play for the excitement and entertainment without all that pesky responsibility.