Agree with both the above here. Punishing a masochist with pain is no punishment at all, ignoring the masochist's bad behaviour by not punishing them with pain is more of a punishment. In most BDSM relationships you need to establish which of the many many punishment options open to you are suitable for the sub's particular likes/dislikes otherwise you do invite bad behaviour inorder to be punished. You need to look at a standard BDSM checklist and work out which on the list the sub likes and dislikes and apply one as reward and the other as punishment.

Usually, attention seeking behaviour is best punished by removing the attention, not reacting to the behaviour at all, and rewarding good behaviour.

However, it looks like your situation is way beyond this simple solution. I think you need to make it clear that until a good vanilla communication is established there can be no more BDSM activities. If she is not prepared to make that simple change in behaviour then chances are she no longer cares and you should probably let her go and find and focus on a sub who does care about you.