Quote Originally Posted by StormKat View Post
When do you walk away from your dom?

Is it time when you’ve moved on from previous hurts & disappointments, looking towards the future, but now you aren’t sure there is one?

When he says he understands how it seems & how it makes you feel but doesn’t have any answers for you, can’t explain why he does it, doesn’t do anything to change it – do you leave then?

When do you realize that maybe the failure wasn’t on your part?

When it’s been over a week since you last heard from him – no email, no IMs, no calls – but you read his posts to other people online almost every day, do you call it quits?

When does “submissive” become nothing more than an empty title, just a tag on a FetLife page? At what point do you gather up your pride, realize you’re worth more, that you deserve better, and walk away?
SK, I would say you have already answered the question for yourself.

I removed the (very well-written) explanations above the questions in each paragraph, leaving just the questions. If you read them together, they are less of questions and more of "I know the answer already, but I just need some affirmation I am not reading this situation wrong."

SK, you are NOT reading the situation wrong.

Personally, I wouldn't have stayed around & hung on this long. Of course, that's easy for me to say when I am not in your shoes or your relationship. But let me take a swing at some ideas here, and see what you think.

As submissives, when a relationship starts to go south, the first thing we do is turn on ourselves & look within: what did we do wrong? what didn't we do that we were suppose to do? how can we fix the situation/problem? what are we going to do to "make it go away"?? These are all extremely normal questions for us to ask ourselves because as submissives, all we want to do is please our Dominant, and make the relationship "work"--so we're willing to do what it takes to please & make it happen.

However, the problem comes in that usually it isn't an issue of "what we did wrong"-- it's usually an issue of "something went wrong w/the relationship." And, in that case, there is NOTHING that you alone can do... it is only something that the two of you can do together.

In your case, I would say that you have done everything you can to make the relationship work... at least, as far as I can tell from the information provided. You have extended absolutely every possible branch of communication: online/virtual, real time. You have tried to change, to accomodate, to take a back seat.

But... apparently that just isn't enough in this case. The Dominant is screaming out in silence, "I AM NOT INTERESTED" in the way he is treating you: by ignoring you for periods of time, by shunning you in favor of the other submissive in the relationship, by not visiting (when it's suggested in your post that it's entirely possible but just doesn't happen), by shunting off your needs (mental, emotional). Whether it's conscious or not, it's what's happening. I would generally say to a submissive, "give it time, try to work it out." In this case, you have. You have already given it time. You have already tried absolutely everything you can. The result? He hasn't budged and he hasn't changed. He is telling you, subconsciously or consciously, "I have made my choice."

So, I think now you need to make your choice as well. If you are comfortable staying in the relationship being the "fly by night," then ok. But that doesn't sound like what you want OR what you need. You sound like you need a Dominant that's present in your life, mentally AND emotionally (and possibly physically as well). For that, I might suggest you have to move on.

Good luck in your journey. The hardest step is admitting that it is time to move on.