Quote Originally Posted by ami_r90 View Post
I don't know how to go about finding him - by which I mean should I embark again on another vanilla relationship and gradually try to introduce BDSM topics thereafter, or should I deliberately find someone already into it.

I wonder how easy it would be to introduce BDSM into a new vanilla relationship; how likely somebody would be to explore it a little on my request.
Don't try it. You've been lucky once, but mostly it's a prescription for heartbreak.
I also wonder, since like you I also want to remain being the 'powerhouse' and leave BDSM purely to the sexual side of the relationship, if searching for somebody within the BDSM community is the wrong way to go about it. My impression (very uneducated so feel free to inform me!) is that most people in this community consider BDSM to be a whole way of life that affects all areas of life and doesn't just have an on/off switch so you can have a little BDSM fun when time allows for it.
You're mistaken, but it's understandable. People whose whole life is BDSM are more likely to post here for that very reason, so the sample is biased, but the majority of people into BDSM are just the sort of players you describe.

But you're also mistaken in thinking that you can't be a "powerhouse" in a more full time D/s relationship. A Dom worth the name will not want to diminish or weaken you just because you belong to him; he'll be pleased to own someone strong and confident. There's a reason my avatar shows Wonder Woman in chains.
You are talking of finding a master and I'm talking about finding a partner, an equal, but who will dominate me sexually. I may be wrong but I don't think they're the same people?
Some people have a relationship such as you describe and call it Master/slave; it depends entirely on how you and he play it. He doesn't have to, say, control your bank account, in order for both of you to feel he owns you full time. You may have a relationship where you think the D/s is purely sexual, but he can make you feel submissive with a word or a touch any time, any place. It doesn't matter what you call it, so long as you both understand and agree what you are getting into.