Quote Originally Posted by leo9 View Post
People whose whole life is BDSM are more likely to post here for that very reason, so the sample is biased, but the majority of people into BDSM are just the sort of players you describe.
I understand that the sample from this board is likely to be biased, and it could well be that the majority of those into BDSM are what I've described. But if I want to keep my BDSM activities private and just between me and my partner, isn't it equally unlikely that I'd find who/what I'm looking for at some public BDSM event as through a regular vanilla relationship that I try to push into the realms of BDSM? I've never been to any public BDSM events but my impression is that if you're out in public in this way then it probably means that BDSM isn't a very private aspect of your life. I feel like it's a case of chicken and egg and which came first - I'm just really confused as to how to find what I'm looking for because I want somebody who keeps their interests personal but if they do then it's somewhat impossible to find them!

All the same, thanks for replying Leo, I appreciate you taking the time to help me understand. And thanks also to thir's reply yesterday... it was an answer I was fearing but at least now I know what I'm dealing with I guess. Now to actually find a way to deal with it, which sounds so much easier than it's really going to be (unless it turns out I'm making a mountain out of a molehill in my inexpertise - I'll welcome anyone who can tell me I am!!).