Hello
Like you I'm also new to this world and for me I believe the reason to discover our selfs as BDSM lovers and praticants, goes to the fact of wanting to achieve extremes, but within pleasure. You told us that dispite being raped and abused in the past you like BDSM, maybe that was the trigger for you join this wonderfull world. It probably there was something that in ur conscientious you like and only now you realise it. It would even not be strange if you started to have rape fantasies. I belive that what you need is a good Dom that besides dominating you, cares about you. And if the way to start is online or webcam or whatever, go for it ( sorry denuseri ), just get to know the Dom a lil 1st before start having fun.

Best wishes
MasterPT